Lifestyle

Straight Pride festival to be BBQ in Homebase car park with Ed Sheeran on repeat

A MAN has organised a Straight Pride festival that reflects his heterosexual values by putting on a barbecue in a corner of Homebase car park.

Wedding list taking the absolute piss

A COUPLE'S online wedding list has got to be taking the piss, it has been confirmed.

Gove mad for the gak

MICHAEL Gove is absolutely mental for beak, the white stuff, ching and nose crack, he has confessed. 

Man urgently needs to buy himself something

A MAN who has had a tough week is urgently searching for something he can buy himself to cheer himself up.

'Foodies' congratulate themselves on ability to eat

THOUSANDS are self-styled 'foodies' are trumpeting their ability to orally process nutrients, it has emerged.

Couple move house to be in catchment area of 'outstanding' Waitrose

A COUPLE have relocated to a smaller house to be in the catchment area of an outstanding Waitrose, they have confirmed.

Family spend 30 grand on camping gear for 'cheaper holidays'

A FAMILY who bought a tent to save money have been forced to blow their life savings on all the fucking equipment you need to go with it.

Five ways to put off going to the toilet

YOUR body might be telling you it urgently needs to go to the bathroom, but sometimes it’s just too much hassle. Here’s how to put it off like the lazy bastard you are.  

House plant wishing it wasn't in room where everyone sh*ts

A SPIDER plant is fed up of spending its life in a damp room where people go to the bog.

Blonde men asked not to grow beards

BLONDE men have been officially advised not to experiment with facial hair for the safety and happiness of those who must look at them.

Six ways to be superior when showing people your vinyl collection

WHAT is showing someone your record collection except a chance to prove you’re better than them? Here are some ways to really be a wanker about it.

Couple who went to New York making sure everyone knows they stayed in Brooklyn

A COUPLE who went on holiday to New York are making sure everyone knows they stayed in the ‘coolest’ area, Brooklyn.