DO you want to act like an absolute arsehole while crammed into a metal tube with 200 other people who can’t escape you? Here’s how.
ARE people staring at you in the street because your edgy new jacket makes you look amazing or because you look fucking ridiculous? Here are some questions to ask yourself.
DO you find yourself imprisoned in a family holiday at Center Parcs every year? Here are some tried-and-tested escape methods.
A WOMAN who has got her shit together even has a dedicated phone charger in her car.
PEOPLE who are stoned out of their minds all the time don’t get that way by accident. They’ve shaped their own daily routines around ensuring they never have to confront cold, painful reality.
DO you have a friend who claims to love living in London but who you suspect secretly hates it? Here’s how to see through their lies.
DOES your useless new laptop from Amazon stop working when you use it in the bath? Here’s how to write a stupid and misleading Amazon review.
A MAN who has just snorted a line of cocaine has confirmed that the drug is ‘fucking brilliant’ and that tomorrow can look after itself.
A MAGAZINE in a doctor's waiting room has taken its reader back to happier times before Brexit, vape juice and compulsory recycling.
A CYCLIST has set a new personal best in how quickly he can tell someone he is into cycling even though they are not interested.
A TATTOO artist has had the disturbing thought that every customer looks worse, not better, after visiting him.
A LOSING Lotto scratchcard has been stared at for an additional 20 seconds on the chance that the buyer mistook £200 for £5,000 at first glance.