WANT strangers in the park to know you’re going home to a house with a chalkboard in the kitchen? Do these key activities during your mandated hour of exercise.
THE UK is in lockdown. A deadly new strain of Covid is loose. Democracy is under attack in the US. But while it seems this is no time to masturbate, we must.
MIDDLE-AGED men have admitted that that urinating while wearing light-coloured trousers is guaranteed to end in disaster.
A FULLY-GROWN adult can only remember what order letters go in by singing the A-B-C song he was taught in nursery.
THE new year can be a difficult time for many, especially after 12 months of bloody 2020. Here are some surefire ways to shake off the January blues.
Dear [Benny please put the names here darling].
THE value of every house in a street has dropped by 15 per cent after a child’s Christmas trampoline was set up in the front garden.
A COUPLE enjoying a bracing walk to welcome the new year are still off their faces from last night.
AN elderly parent is helping at Christmas by doing the washing up while standing three feet away from a dishwasher.
SMUG middle-class families can’t ruin this Christmas by popping round, but they can still pen round-robin letters concealed in cards like the IEDs of humblebragging.
A DRIVEN, self-reliant career woman has three days left before a fortnight vegging out in her parents’ lounge over Christmas, she has confirmed.
HAS your hairdresser mutilated your coiffure beyond repair? Here’s how to burn down your life and start again.