Man covers every inch of toilet seat with p*ss

A MAN keeps managing to cover every single inch of the loo seat with p*ss, despite completing his potty training more than 39 years ago.

Biggest cash crop now glamping

BRITAIN'S main agricultural crop is now yurts, tipis, gypsy caravans and shepherd’s huts.

We never said we liked beards, say women

WOMEN have pointed out that they never claimed to like beards and do not understand why every man now has one.

Only freaks put mugs upside down in cupboard

THE only people who store mugs in cupboards top-down are total freaks, it has been confirmed.

Shivering wreck of a man too hard to use umbrella

A MAN would rather be a shivering mess on the verge of pneumonia than use an umbrella and look soft.

Progressive stag party goes to strip club for research

A PROGRESSIVE bachelor party went to a strip club to get a better understanding of toxic masculinity, they have revealed.

Mother realises same dirty old soft toy has been coming home from school for 13 years

A MOTHER-OF-THREE has realised that a stuffed toy fox sent home by school has been visiting her house since 2006.

The self-deluding pet owner's guide to thinking they're human

DO you insist on believing your pet has complex thoughts and feelings, like a person? Try these ways of deluding yourself.

Man on Wikipedia skips straight to 'Controversies' section

A MAN reading about a celebrity on Wikipedia has skipped over 'Early life' and 'Career' and gone directly to ‘Controversies’.

Middle class family on day trip to estate agent's window

A MIDDLE  class family has decided to treat itself by going on a day trip to an estate agent’s window.

Woman's natural state is brunch

A WOMAN has confirmed that her natural state of being is eating avocado toast and drinking wine before noon.

Hairdresser's hair not inspiring confidence in hairdressing abilities

A HAIRDRESSER’S hair is inspiring fear rather than confidence in her hair styling abilities.