Lifestyle

Teenager desperate for people to know he smokes weed

A TEENAGE boy really wants everybody to know he enjoys a toke, it has been confirmed.

Mid-life hangovers now come with sickening mid-life crisis

PEOPLE turning 40 are being warned that hangovers now include a distressing mid-life crisis that could last for years.

People in restaurant so glad they invited a f**king anal retentive

A MEAL was turned into a massive pain in the arse by a man obsessed with splitting the bill fairly.

Helmet won't protect middle-aged skateboarder from shame

A SAFETY helmet will not protect a man from the shame of taking up a child's hobby at the age of 42, it has emerged.

Anyone referring to 'smarts' can f**k right off

PEOPLE who say they or anyone else has “got their smarts” should fuck off, everyone has decided.

Tedious twats with totally ordinary house want to give you 'the tour'

A COUPLE with a completely unremarkable semi-detached two-bedroom house still insist on giving guests ‘the grand tour’.

Excessive exclamation mark users vow they will 'never stop!!!'

PEOPLE who use a ludicrous number of exclamation marks have refused to write in a less annoying style.

Couple move to countryside for simpler life of getting up at 5am to commute

A COUPLE have moved to a small village so that they can enjoy fresh air, long walks, and catching a train to work at an insanely early hour.