Lifestyle

Woman lasts three days in lockdown before deciding to cut her own hair

A WOMAN made it just three days into lockdown before deciding to cut her own hair for entertainment.

The Brexiter's guide to homeschooling

CORONAVIRUS is a great opportunity to stop your kids being force-fed leftie propaganda at school. Here fanatical Brexiter Roy Hobbs explains how to homeschool.

How to tick off your bucket list from your front room

YOU can’t leave the house, and it turns out most things are done outside the house. But what can you tick off from your bucket list while alone in the front room?

Britons spend lovely weekend being totally irresponsible dickheads

THE UK’s residents have spent a lovely weekend behaving like stupid, reckless wankers, they have happily confirmed.

Five smug middle-class social isolation activities

IF you’re middle-class and self-isolating, people still need to know that you’re better than them. Here’s how to do it.

Couple who do f**k all outraged they can't go out and do things

A COUPLE who never get off their arses are furious that they are not supposed to go anywhere at the moment.

Receipts at bottom of woman's handbag enough to wipe arse on for three years

A WOMAN is unconcerned about running out of loo roll because she has at least 3,000 crumpled receipts in her handbag.

Man buys 72 toilet rolls in morning, spends evening in pub

A MAN who spent his morning panic-buying toilet roll will spend his evening with a large group of regulars at his local. 

Mate in London proud he'll be in lockdown before everyone else

A MATE in London is showing off about being in total lockdown while friends in the provinces are so behind they can still leave their homes. 

People in bullshit jobs experiencing existential crisis

PEOPLE in jobs that are total bollocks are wondering if they have wasted their lives, they have confirmed.

Five shitty places for holidaying in Britain now you can't go abroad

WITH the coronavirus making summer holidays abroad unlikely, here are five shitty places you can choose to visit in Britain instead.

Woman pretending to be relaxed about shoes on or off

A WOMAN is pretending to be relaxed about whether guests should keep their shoes on at the front door or take them off.