Lifestyle

The best places to judge others this bank holiday

BANK holidays used to mean trips to the beach, but in our pandemic times the fun now lies in harshly judging other people going on trips to the beach. Check out these locations:

Your dad's guide to autumn fashion

ALRIGHT kiddo, it’s Dad. I know you wanted a new coat but we're saving for a hot tub to spice up our sex life. How about fashion tips from your old man instead?

'What the hell am I doing here?' asks remote worker still living in London

A WOMAN who still works from home in an overpriced London flat has started to question her living arrangements.

How to buy your first house in your 20s, by a twat with rich parents

GETTING on the property ladder as a young millennial is all about managing your budget, saving scrupulously and being given a £85,000 deposit. Here’s my tips:

Couple considering acquiring small in-bred creature to shit in their house

A COUPLE are thinking of getting a knee-high animal with a long history of inbreeding so they can clear up its excrement.

IKEA assembly instructions show you exactly where and how to completely lose your shit

FLAT-PACK assembly instructions from IKEA now come with pictures demonstrating how to smash them up in a blind rage.

Couple who hired expensive vintage campervan pretending to enjoy it

A COUPLE who spent a ruinously large amount of money hiring a campervan to drive around Cornwall don’t want to admit they are cold, tired and hungry.

The middle-class family's guide to a caravan holiday

JUST because you can’t get to Crete this year doesn’t mean that you can’t have a cut-above holiday. Here's how to survive a week in a caravan designed for the working classes:

Man heroically assembles flatpack using instructions

A MAN has somehow managed to construct a small piece of flatpack furniture using the instructions that came with it.

'It is what it is' and other f**king annoying meaningless phrases

STUMPED for something worthwhile to say but still want to contribute to a conversation? Here are some totally useless and highly annoying phrases to consider.

Man wearing vest trying to be cool about nude upper arms

A MAN wearing a vest is trying not to feel self-conscious about his upper-arm nudity.

Gap year wanker embarks on journey of self-discovery to Plymouth

A GAP-YEAR twat has set out on a year-long journey of self-discovery all the way from Plymouth to Bournemouth, he has confirmed.