Lifestyle

Woman on payday acting like eccentric heiress

A WOMAN who has just been paid  is acting like an eccentric heiress from the 1920s, it has emerged.

Woman admits sex was never as exciting as her new Dyson

A WOMAN who spent over £300 on a new vacuum cleaner does not mind admitting that using it is more satisfying than any sex she has ever had in her life.

Plans great until you have to actually f**king do them

MAKING plans with friends is excellent until you have to leave the house and do the sodding thing, it has emerged.

Man decides 10-pin bowling is 'just a laugh' after discovering he's shit at it

A MAN going 10-pin bowling suddenly began larking around after his first two bowls were hopelessly inaccurate, friends noticed.

Bar owner cannot believe people will pay ten quid for a 'mocktail'

BAR owners cannot believe they are getting away with charging £10 for a ‘mocktail’.

Man embarks on doomed facial hair experiment

A MAN has initiated yet another ill-fated experiment with his facial hair while his girlfriend is away.

Single man considering third item of furniture

A SINGLE man is considering getting a third piece of furniture to go with his television and armchair.

Middle class couple go whole holiday without befriending other middle class couple

A MIDDLE class couple weirdly spent a fortnight in Spain without latching onto another identical couple.

Woman who did declutter left with phone, duvet and vibrator

A WOMAN who carried out a declutter has been left with only her phone, duvet and vibrator.

London millennial excited to move into houseshare with family of mice

A 24-YEAR-OLD living in London cannot wait to meet her 32 new rodent housemates, she has confirmed.

Woman unable to leave Lidl without a bag full of crap

A WOMAN who only went into Lidl for a pint of milk has left the store with a patio heater, a fondue set and a faux fur throw.

Man with huge, poncey moustache claims he wants people to ask him about something else

A MAN with a large, carefully manicured moustache says he wishes people would pay less attention to it.