Lifestyle

Woman who seeks joy in the little things is an insufferable prick

A WOMAN capable of finding wonder in all life’s hidden gifts is an absolutely unbearable tosspot.

How to justify your pissed, expensive 2am eBay purchases

OH dear, you’ve just drunkenly bought overpriced tat that you'll never use from eBay again, haven’t you? Clear your conscience with these tips:

Couple eat so f**king late

A COUPLE eat their dinner so f**king late it is unbelievable, their friends have confirmed.

UK enjoying lovely day of hot weather while all hot weather activities banned

BRITAIN is looking forward to another day of sweltering weather with all swimming pools closed, beaches overcrowded, and beer gardens dicey at best.

How to scare the shit out of people, by a house spider

WANT to make people jump out of their skin at a moment’s notice? Here house spider Roy Hobbs explains how to terrify otherwise rational adult humans.

The couple's guide to being dicks about moving out of London

ARE you planning to move out of London and believe it is the most important event in human history? Here’s how to drone on about it in a self-absorbed, middle class way.

The single person's guide to coping with your neighbours having great sex

WHEN you’re trapped at home and single, the last thing you need is to hear is the bedroom antics of your horny neighbours. Here are some coping strategies.

Chill the f**k out about dinosaurs, kids told

CHILDREN have been asked to please, God, chill the f**k out about dinosaurs.

How to get over the injustice of your teenage niece having bigger boobs than you

MET up with family? Your niece – who’s 17 for God’s sake – already developed in ways you never will? Here’s how to curb your boob envy.

Woman whose home looks stylish in video calls lying to herself and world

A WOMAN who made a corner of her flat appear minimalist and sleek for the purpose of video calls is starting to believe her own lies. 

'Glamping' just as shit as camping

GLAMPING is just camping with a wood-burning stove and a string of fairy lights, new research has found.

MDMA not great for social distancing, party reports

A PARTY has acknowledged that if you want to keep up social distancing, MDMA is not the right drug.