A TOTAL numpty who has won £170m on the lottery has claimed he will not let it change him, even though that is manifestly the whole point.
BRITAIN’S bald men are absolutely delighted that hat season has come around again.
BRINGING small screaming children into restaurants is legal, it has been claimed.
MIDDLE-AGED Britain is officially entering the season where it awkwardly wears leather jackets, it has been confirmed.
A WOMAN is struggling to go anywhere without a takeaway coffee in her hand.
A WOMAN in Bristol is unable to get rid of her partially shaved haircut, it has emerged.
A MAN with perfect teeth has told friends that he never misses a dental check-up because he loves them.
THE resident Romeo in Games Workshop has informed a hapless idiot of the difference between a die and some dice.
DOCTORS have warned that an epidemic of horribly heavy comedy eyebrows appears to be spreading across the UK.
THE three for £10 Toblerone deal in airport shops is now the only reason anyone flies, experts have confirmed.
A WOMAN'S life is still a lot of crap despite affirmations and visualisation, it has been confirmed.
A WOMAN has once again reminded her boyfriend to take some photos of all the fun they are having so they do not forget it.