Lifestyle

Man's first meditation session instantly derailed by erection

A MAN'S first attempt to find a more spiritual way of life was scuppered by the almost instantaneous arrival of an erection.

Woman who makes pouty face has no idea she looks like an idiot

A WOMAN who has pulled the same pouty face in every mirror and photograph for the last 14 years has no idea she looks idiotic.

Night out dangerously close to happening

A MAN who accidentally agreed to a night out with friends is terrifyingly close to having to actually go through with it, he has confessed.

Idyllic life on canal boat actually massive pain in the arse

LIVING on a boat appears relaxed but actually involves things like emptying a big box of your own excrement on a regular basis, it has emerged.

Arsehole quotes 'Won't Get Fooled Again' in every situation

A MAN thinks he looks really wise by referencing the song Won’t Get Fooled Again in any situation involving disappointment.

Visiting skincare counter is masochistic fetish, admit women

WOMEN only visit skincare counters because they secretly love being told how shit their skin is, they have confirmed.

Which toxic body trend are you hoping to achieve this summer?

IT’S summer so it’s time to get obsessed with bullshit body trends like having a ‘Toblerone tunnel’. If you’re unsure what that is, read our helpful guide to unhealthy body shapes.

Middle-aged woman thrilled to be offered cocaine at gig

A 47-YEAR-OLD woman has confessed that being offered cocaine at a gig has made her feel like a teenager again.