A SHAMELESS vegan has been caught ogling a block of cheese with his mouth wide open and drool hanging out.
THIS year’s most popular baby names have been released with the usual strange choices like Kylo. Here’s how to curse your child with a daft name you think is great.
DO you write a column about your bourgeois life for a national newspaper? Need topics? Try these to get you started.
FOXES in your area have announced that one of the longest and loudest all-night orgies on record will begin the moment you try to get to sleep.
GETTING on the property ladder as a young millennial is all about managing your budget, saving scrupulously and being given a £85,000 deposit. Here’s my tips:
THE millionaire CEO of a software business owes all his success to tirelessly working 90 hours a week like the total dickhead he is.
LIVID because woke millennials have pointed out your favourite National Trust property has links to slavery? Here’s how to rebrand your fury as opposition to ‘cultural vandalism’.
IT’S almost September, and the government’s world-beating track-and-trace system has still not arrived. What inventions will get here first?
GRETA Thunberg has returned to school to find neither her teacher or any of her classmates noticed she was gone.
A COUPLE are thinking of getting a knee-high animal with a long history of inbreeding so they can clear up its excrement.
ARE you a bloodyminded parent who loves a good row with your local school? Make the most of your little ones going back with these tips.
FLAT-PACK assembly instructions from IKEA now come with pictures demonstrating how to smash them up in a blind rage.