Scrupulous married couple imposing own sex ban

A MARRIED couple have been carefully avoiding sexual intercourse for months despite not being told to do so.

Woman manages three whole pages of her lockdown book

A WOMAN managed to make it through three pages of the book she planned to read during lockdown before calling it a day.

Man realises he's been invited to vegetarian barbecue

A MAN realised to his horror that he had been invited to a barbecue for vegetarians.

Bankers who stole everything told now might be good time to give it back

THE bankers who were given a shedload of money in 2008 have been told that now might be a good time to give it back.

Masks to be compulsory for the poor, government announces

THE government has ordered anyone who uses public transport, shops at Asda or whose home is in council tax bands A-C to wear facemasks. 

How to struggle through a socially distanced date when you can't just shag

DO you normally stop the awkwardness of a first date by getting drunk and having sex? Here’s how to cope now that’s not allowed.

Five kids' projects for f**king desperate parents

FOR many parents, your kids going back to school is a distant dream and you’ve used up all your ideas for child-friendly fun. Here are five projects if you’re utterly desperate.

Which of your disgusting habits are your flatmates texting their friends about?

HAVE you got weird, disgusting habits and share a flat? Simply add one point for each of these activities and find out if other people are slagging you off to their mates. 

Sourdough starter lets woman down like every other living thing on planet

A WOMAN’S sourdough starter has let her down just like every other human, animal and plant always bloody does. 

'Will I ever have sex?': The fantasy role-playing nerd's guide to lockdown ending

LOCKDOWN is easing, but what does it mean for the fantasy role-playing game community? Here's what to expect if you're obsessed with D&D or Warhammer.

Danny Dyer going over there to sort this shit out

THESPIAN Danny Dyer has confirmed he is going to the United States to have a word. 

Leaving shopping bags unpacked for three days and other things you no longer bother doing

AS lockdown eases it was clearly no biggie and there’s every reason for complacency. Here are some things everyone has stopped doing now COVID-19 has been sent packing.