News

Man's views ignored by mainstream just because he thinks racism is not as bad as wind turbines

A MAN’S views are being ignored by mainstream politicians just because he is a paranoid racist consumed by burning hatred.

Giving kids stuff makes them like you, uncles confirm

THE nation’s uncles have confirmed that if you turn up every three months or so with a big present, the kids think you are great. 

Artisan bakery like methadone clinic for middle class people

AN artisan bakery is making middle class people behave as if it were dispensing a heroin-like substance.

Ride-on lawnmower still pinnacle of man's desire

A MAN has still not achieved his life’s goal of owning a ride-on lawnmower and a garden big enough to use it, he has confessed.

Woman refusing to concede that husband has cold

A WOMAN is refusing to accept that her husband has caught a cold in case he expects special treatment.

500,000 Game of Thrones fans sign petition demanding cuddle from mummy

HALF a million Game of Thrones fans have signed a petition demanding a special cuddle and an assurance that mummy loves them.

Colleges offer Level 5 NVQ in changing a duvet cover

COLLEGES keen to equip students with key life skills are introducing a National Vocational Qualification in putting a cover on a duvet.

Mum blows entire life savings at school fete

A MOTHER-of-two has spent every single penny she had in a single afternoon at the school’s summer fete.

Women do walk of shame to hen night

A GROUP of women have been spotted doing the 11am walk of shame to their city-centre hotel for a hen night.

How Madonna will out-weird Eurovision

EVERY year, Brits gather at the home of their gayest friend to laugh at Eurovision and end up being totally weirded out by what Latvia considers pop music.

Five ways to join in the leg-washing 'debate' even though it's idiotic

MANY people have admitted they don’t wash their legs in the shower, sparking a furious Twitter ‘debate’. Here are some handy comments to help you join in.

Maniac eats chocolate at bottom of Cornetto first

A MAN always eats the bit of chocolate at the bottom of a Cornetto first instead of saving it until the end like a normal person.