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People swap food bank vouchers for drugs, and other bullshit idiots believe

BRITONS will believe any old shite that fits their prejudices. Watch out for these examples of spurious bollocks.  

Woman out Christmas shopping appalled at people out Christmas shopping

A WOMAN out Christmas shopping is shocked and angered by the number of other people doing exactly the same.

Drinks cabinet

Is your liquor cabinet fully stocked with undrinkable booze?

CHRISTMAS is coming, and with it the obligation to collect a large range of alcohol nobody truly wants. Go through our checklist.

Woman wants husband to f**k off so she can watch Love Actually

A WOMAN wants her husband to bugger off so she can sit on the sofa and weep at Love Actually without being judged.

If it's mulled it barely counts as drinking, confirm scientists

YOU can drink as much booze as you like during the Christmas period as long as it has been mulled, scientists have agreed.

Woman texting

People who chase up a text after five minutes told to get a f**king life

PEOPLE who text you after a few minutes to see why you have not replied to their message should piss off and get a life.

Daily Mail readers not happy until Meghan is working in Primark

UNTIL Meghan Markle is flogging cut-price clothes on a minimum wage Daily Mail readers are not going to be satisfied.     

'You're looking well' and other insults that sound like compliments

UNSURE if you’ve just been showered with praise or secretly insulted? If you’ve heard any of these phrases, you’ve just been covertly put down.

Five types of idiot who still haven't noticed there's a deadly virus

DESPITE a grim year of lockdown and restrictions, some people seem determined to carry on completely as normal. Check you’re not one of these tossers.

How to be a brown-nosing sellout on LinkedIn

ARE you willing to sell your soul on LinkedIn for the sake of your career? Here’s how to be a creepy corporate crawler online instead of just laughing loudly at your boss’s jokes.

Woman says 'thank you' to automated checkout

A SHOPPER starved of human contact has given her sincere thanks to a checkout machine for scanning her purchases.

How is Doctor Who going to be bollocks this year?

EVERY year Britons settle down to watch the festive episode of Doctor Who and are bitterly disappointed. So how will it be a load of cobblers this year?