News

Thanks f**king loads, peaceful protestors tell Bristol

PROTESTORS against new laws that would effectively ban peaceful protest have thanked Bristol for throwing a f**king riot.

Do you need to drive up a residential street at 53mph or are you a massive wanker?

ARE you speeding to rescue a child from a burning building or does going really fast for 40 metres make you feel like Vin Diesel, knobhead?

Unhappy couple moving house

Five spontaneous romantic acts that won't save your relationship

LOVE life on the rocks? Need a quick fix? Try these romantic acts of spontaneity that will not help at all.

Achieving spiritual enlightenment: Five things easier than getting a mortgage

WANT to buy a house but can't face the gruelling process of applying for a mortgage? Try these incredibly difficult activities that are still easier than doing all that paperwork.

47-year-old woman still terrified her mum will find out she smokes

A GROWN woman in her late 40s is scared stiff that her mother will find out she smokes.

Six toys kids will play with for five minutes

WANT to amuse your children for up to 300 seconds? Buy them one of these hot items:

Downstairs toilet not for shitting in

A WOMAN has explained to her husband and two sons that the downstairs toilet is not suitable for them to do shits in.

Annoyed girlfriend

Man makes error of joining in with girlfriend's joke about her hair

A MAN has made the foolish mistake of joining in on his girlfriend's self-deprecating joke about how terrible her hair looks.

Deluded husband believes himself good at foreplay

A WOMAN is at a loss over how to break it to her husband that he has been crap at foreplay for the last nine years.

Your guide to nodding along when you don't understand something

DO you frequently need to pretend to understand things at work or at home? Here’s how to nod along convincingly even though you haven’t got a clue, as usual.

Five TV shows that will be problematic in 10 years' time

IT’S only a matter of time until your viewing habits are cancelled by your kids and you’re declared a wrong ’un. Here are five shows that will age badly over the next decade.

BMW driver causes 10-car pile-up after unexpectedly using indicator

A MOTORIST caused a large accident after veering off the road in shock when the BMW in front of him indicated at a roundabout.