HAVE you started having alcohol-free nights for the sake of your health and waistline? Here’s how to make it through these grim evenings from Hell.
HARDY Northern folk aren’t scared of a few feet of cold water and collapsing bridges. Here Northerner Roy Hobbs explains how to carry on as normal.
A GROUP of lads are flying to Ibiza so late that they are lining up at the bar and sinking pints at a perfectly acceptable hour to do so.
A NEW limited edition of Monopoly aimed at baby boomers gives them a free house on every square and £3,000 in pension cash whenever they pass Go.
A MAN has created a unique password that no hacker, bot or even he himself will ever be able to guess.
MOVIE sequel Top Gun: Maverick will reflect its ageing audience by focusing on the upsetting mid-life issue of erectile dysfunction.
A GIRL holidaying with her boyfriend’s family for the first time is being treated like the daughter his mother never wanted to have.
FAILED to achieve something? It can’t be your fault; after all, you voted Remain. It must be Brexit. Here’s how.
IRISH residents of mainland Britain have confirmed they are making about 65 per cent of their colourful language up on the spot.
KILLING Eve fans have been left gobsmacked by a twist ending in which the show was revealed to be cobblers and they were idiots for watching it.
BRITONS have asked their government if it would mind not sending the pound into freefall right before their summer holidays every bloody year.
ANY business opposing a no-deal Brexit is committing treason and everything they make should be boycotted and burned. Here’s a list of today’s un-products: