News

Five ways to get through alcohol-free evenings

HAVE you started having alcohol-free nights for the sake of your health and waistline? Here’s how to make it through these grim evenings from Hell. 

The bluff Northerner's guide to ignoring six-foot floods

HARDY Northern folk aren’t scared of a few feet of cold water and collapsing bridges. Here Northerner Roy Hobbs explains how to carry on as normal.

Lads' holiday booked on afternoon flight forced to sink pints at 2pm like tw*ts

A GROUP of lads are flying to Ibiza so late that they are lining up at the bar and sinking pints at a perfectly acceptable hour to do so.

New 'Monopoly: Baby Boomer Edition' has a free house on every square

A NEW limited edition of Monopoly aimed at baby boomers gives them a free house on every square and £3,000 in pension cash whenever they pass Go.

Man creates another very strong password he will never remember

A MAN has created a unique password that no hacker, bot or even he himself will ever be able to guess.

Top Gun sequel to focus on erectile dysfunction

MOVIE sequel Top Gun: Maverick will reflect its ageing audience by focusing on the upsetting mid-life issue of erectile dysfunction.

Mum treating son's girlfriend like daughter she never wanted

A GIRL holidaying with her boyfriend’s family for the first time is being treated like the daughter his mother never wanted to have.

Five life milestones you can blame Brexit for missing

FAILED to achieve something? It can’t be your fault; after all, you voted Remain. It must be Brexit. Here’s how.

Irish people in UK admit they're just making up words

IRISH residents of mainland Britain have confirmed they are making about 65 per cent of their colourful language up on the spot.

Final twist of Killing Eve is that it's b*llocks

KILLING Eve fans have been left gobsmacked by a twist ending in which the show was revealed to be cobblers and they were idiots for watching it.

Government asked if it could just once not f**k up sterling when everyone's on holiday

BRITONS have asked their government if it would mind not sending the pound into freefall right before their summer holidays every bloody year.

The Brexiter's guide to products made by traitors

ANY business opposing a no-deal Brexit is committing treason and everything they make should be boycotted and burned. Here’s a list of today’s un-products: