HELLO, Britain. Boris here. You’ve probably heard that I’m about to become a father. Well, being a good dad is a lot like running the country. Here’s how I do it.
RESEARCHERS have found that adults wearing metallic or bejewelled trainers are 12 times more likely to be total cocks.
A WOMAN often seen carrying a yoga mat has admitted she only uses it to take frequent naps.
WANT to get ahead in life? Model yourself on chief Downing Street adviser and style icon Dominic Cummings. Here’s how to nail the look.
A MAN has been enough of a d*ckhead to attempt to solve a problem in his girlfriend’s personal life, he has admitted.
THE Downing Street wedding is to be a better, less ungrateful do-over of 2018’s upsetting Royal wedding, Conservatives have confirmed.
ONCE you’re half-cut we ramp-up the price without you noticing, bartenders have confirmed.
AN ADORABLE couple have posted a gorgeous, in-the-moment selfie that only took 89 attempts to get.
A WOMAN has no idea what happened in the film she watched with a friend, despite asking questions throughout it.
A PACKET of ready salted crisps has confirmed it will do nothing to offset the effects of drinking excessive amounts of alcohol.
A WOMAN who watched Toy Story 4 is disappointed that it didn’t solve her emotional issues, including anxiety, difficulty forming relationships and being an immature, dysfunctional nightmare.
WOMEN unfortunate enough to want or need to marry a man who is a complete twat are officially allowed to propose today.