News

Carrot in f**ked-up relationship with stick

A CARROT has confessed it is locked into a dysfunctional toxic co-dependent relationship with a stick.

Daenerys just wanted Westeros to honour the result of the referendum

THE Mother of Dragons from Game of Thrones has explained that she only wanted the Seven Kingdoms to respect the result of its recent referendum.

Woman unable to find nice top not ruined by one weird detail

A WOMAN shopping for a new top is unable to find one that has not been ruined by an unnecessary details like a fake pockets or odd words.

Google search confirms man has bubonic plague

A MAN with a slight cough has Googled his symptoms and convinced himself he is suffering from bubonic plague.

Game of Thrones producers accidentally leave Samwell Tarly in for eight seasons

GAME of Thrones producers have been left red-faced after it emerged that rubbish character Samwell Tarly had been kept in the show for eight seasons.

Are you an anti-vaxxer or are you just on meth?

ANTI-vaxxing, the belief that vaccinations are dangerous, is an extreme but increasingly popular position. Methamphetamine is an extremely dangerous drug increasing in popularity. Which are you on?

Man's 'spirit animal' is binge-drinking sloth addicted to masturbation

A SPIRITUAL journey has revealed to a man his totem animal is a lazy sloth that drinks five nights a week and masturbates very frequently.

Will anything happen in tonight's Game of Thrones?

WITH only two episodes left of Game of Thrones, surely tonight’s won’t be like last week’s where roughly bugger all happened?

Middle-class family struggling to outdo themselves

AN extremely middle-class family are struggling to outdo themselves with ostentatious displays of middle-classness.

Which fire pit knobhead are you?

THE new cool place to be at a party is at the fire pit, watching the glowing coals and assigning yourself a key role in their upkeep. But what fire pit twat are you?

Londoners spend every weekend pretending to live in different bit of London

A LONDON couple spend all their weekends claiming to live in a nearby but better part of London, their friends have confirmed.

Buckingham Palace gift incinerator at maximum capacity

THE Royal gift incinerator is working at maximum capacity, it has been confirmed.