JESUS Christ, what’s that noise? And where is it coming from? Ah, it’s the landline you’re obliged to keep in order to have broadband. But who could be ringing?
A STOCKBROKER looking out over London is remembering a time when it was Pret A Manger as far as the eye could see.
THE UK may face a second lockdown thanks to irresponsible bastards working in offices and drinking in pubs, the government has warned.
THIS year started badly, very quickly got much, much worse, briefly levelled out and is now plunging again. Here’s what’s coming up.
UNSURE what to say to the working class man, or occasionally woman, who brings your massive supermarket delivery round? Try these convincingly matey conversations.
A MAN has caught coronavirus from the pen a pub provided for customers so they could write down their contact details.
RATHER than endlessly carping about testing, the British public should take a leaf out of my book and use the tried-and-tested methods of Victorian physicians. Here is a selection.
A COUPLE'S plans for a romantic evening were left in tatters after they both ingested an inadvisable amount of curry.
A FAMILY suspect their dad loves his new pressure washer more than his children.
A MIDDLE AGED couple have wistfully remembered the times when they used to be able to have sex because there was nothing to watch on telly.
NOBODY has more than six friends, and if you do most of them are filler. Here’s how to sift the worthwhile friends from the dregs dragging you down.
HOBBIT Frodo Baggins has given up on an epic journey to be tested for coronavirus shortly after leaving his underground home.