News

Is your ex toxic or just a wanker?

WHEN a relationship ends, it throws up questions about whether your ex was a toxic abusive manipulating gaslighter or a simple twat.

Woman tragically unaware she's being judged

A WOMAN on the receiving end of a barbed, underhand comment has remained tragically unaware that she is being judged.

Covid-19 totally confused about what it's allowed to do where

THE coronavirus has admitted being a bit confused about who it is allowed to infect in England, Scotland and Wales under new rules.

The optimist's guide to the current news shitstorm

COVID’S back, Brexit is reaching unprecedented levels of hardness, and Trump is planning another eight years. Try to look on the bright side.

Five more things that are definitely caused by young people

Young people are shit. In addition to being the sole spreaders of Covid-19, here is a list of their other crimes.

Parents keep posting photos of ugly baby

PARENTS of a newborn baby keep posting  images of it on social media even though it is incredibly ugly.

'You must try my homebrew' says twat

A HIPSTER twat who took up home brewing during lockdown is still trying to force his concoctions on everyone he knows.

Thank f**k for that, say parents as children's parties are banned by law

PARENTS have thanked f*ck after new Covid rules make it illegal for 15 hyperactive kids to smash up their house.

'It's worth paying extra for quality': How to be an arse about farmers' markets

DO you regularly spend far too much at a farmers’ market and want others to know about it? Here’s how to bring it up constantly.

Five people having more sex than you this weekend

THE weekend is the perfect time to unwind by banging relentlessly, but you and your partner will fall asleep on the sofa while others are having the best sex of their lives. Who are they?

Deliveroo man can no longer hide his contempt for your lifestyle

A DELIVEROO driver who has visited one address several times over the past week is no longer bothering to conceal his disgust.

Sick freak keeps car and house keys on same ring

A PERVERTED anarchist monster who recognises no authority has outraged society by keeping their car and house keys on a single keyring.