News

How to fire people without them realising, by a boss

AFTER a tough year, being honest with your employees about their dismissal and subsequent destitution is a step too far. These corporate phrases should disguise it.

Trump to be even more of a prick if he gets through this okay

PRESIDENT Trump has confirmed that if he survives Covid-19 without serious problems it will only make him more of a prick.

How to pretend you haven't seen someone

The last thing anyone wants is a spontaneous chat with someone they know. Here's how to avoid unnecessary interactions with acquaintances.

Five twats you always get stuck with at weddings

THANKS to the government the twat pool at weddings is temporarily a little shallower. However, you'll still find the following people at every single wedding:

Coke-snorting couple wouldn't take vaccine because they 'won't know what's in it'

A COUPLE who regularly enjoy cocaine cut with a range of unspecified powders are suspicious about exactly what will be in the Covid-19 vaccine.

What to do if you meet a QAnon fruitloop

HAVE you been cornered by a nutter who believes Donald Trump is the secret saviour of trafficked children who are imprisoned in the basement of pizza shop?

Hot tub owner can steer any conversation towards owning a hot tub

A MAN who spent a fortune on a top-of-the-range outdoor jacuzzi insists on shoehorning it into every interaction.  

New Covid restrictions ban singing, dancing, music, merriment, smiling, laughter and joy

NEW laws to stop the spread of coronavirus have made loud music, singing, dancing, and any sound or facial expression signifying pleasure illegal.

The straight man's guide to telling other straight men you love them

DO you love your mates but feel unable to tell them in case they somehow think you’re less of a man? Here’s how to express your affection in a masculine way.

The toddler's guide to making everyone's life hell

NEED to make everyone around you lose the will to live? Infuriating toddler James Bates explains how to push people over the edge.

Woodland porn magazine populations facing extinction

A NEW campaign is aiming to bring back discarded pornographic magazines to Britain’s woodlands.

Which evening classes will make you sound more middle class?

THERE’S no point being middle class unless you’re able to out-do everyone else. Keep ahead of the Joneses with these entitled evening classes.