Woman talking to baby really talking to baby's mum

A WOMAN is addressing a baby with questions that can only be answered by the baby’s mother.

Relaxation app needs to chill the f**k out

A SMARTPHONE relaxation app really needs to take a f**king chill pill, users have confirmed.

No pressure but Freshers' Week must be best week of your life, students told

FIRST-YEAR students have been told to settle in, take things easily and to have the best week of their whole lives or there is something wrong with them.

Horrible songs for buskers to ruin everyone's day

MAKING c*ck-all money busking so want to take revenge on everyone on your high street instead? Try these numbers:

Seven reasons to never buy The Sun

THE Sun is Britain’s favourite race-hate tabloid that acts like we’re constantly at war, but it’s a mistake to ever read it. Here are seven reasons why:

Woman finally realises that champagne is revolting

A WOMAN who has spent her adult life pretending that champagne is marvellous and special has finally admitted it tastes like farty urine.

Missing cat poster whitewashes record of violence and vandalism

A POSTER for a ‘much-loved’ missing cat has omitted its nine-year reign of terror over the rest of the street.

Bag for life mainly used to store other bags for life

A BAG for life is largely being used to hold all the other bags that do not get taken to the supermarket, its owner has confirmed.

Office workers suffer sugar slumps at 9.45am, 11am, 11.45am, 1.15pm, 3pm and 4.45pm

THE average office worker is hit by a sugar slump at least six times a day, not including lunch or the commute, research has found.

Population of Luxembourg 'only six times the number of people who voted for Johnson'

CRITICS have hit out at Luxembourg for humiliating our prime minister when its population is only six times the number of people who elected him.

Woman's life still crap despite affirmations and visualisation

A WOMAN'S life is still a lot of crap despite affirmations and visualisation, it has been confirmed.

Man about to try and use his friend's shower

A 31-YEAR-OLD man is about to try and fail to use his friend’s puzzling shower system, it has been confirmed.