News

'Quick, easy' recipe from Guardian still being prepared eight days later

A COUPLE who tried to make a 'fast, easy mid-week supper recipe' from the Guardian recipe are still cooking it almost eight days later.

Man who used washing up liquid in dishwasher honestly thinks he can live by himself

A 36 YEAR-old man who used a generous dose of washing up liquid in his dishwasher has vowed to carry on looking after himself.

Old work colleagues meet to trash old work colleagues

A GROUP of ex-colleagues has met up to compare notes about the dire fates they hope have befallen the worst people from their old company.

Woman still using separate shampoo and conditioner like an arsehole

A WOMAN woman is still using two separate products to clean and condition her hair like some kind of arsehole, it has emerged.

Cutest babies the worst sleepers, scientists confirm

ADORABLE babies wake up screaming far more frequently and loudly than their uglier peers, researchers have found.

Ed Sheeran wondering what to ruin next

SINGER-songwriter Ed Sheeran has already ruined music, Game of Thrones and ketchup but cannot decide what to wreck next.

Britain wonders if any television will ever be big enough

BRITONS have realised that there is no theoretical limit to the size of the television they would buy.

Tory MP apologises for letting Greenpeace protester live

THE Conservative MP accused of assaulting a Greenpeace protester has apologised to fellow dinner guests for not using lethal force.

Woman unsure if she's in hipster cafe or millennial office

A WOMAN who walked into a building full of young people working on Macbooks on wooden tables is unsure whether she should buy a coffee or ask for start-up funding.

Plan to get ripped for summer put off until August

A MAN’S plans to get himself a beach-ready six-pack in time for summer have been postponed until August at the absolute latest.

Britain not drunk enough to accept Boris Johnson will be next prime minister

THE UK has demanded that confirmation that Boris Johnson will be prime minister be delayed to around 1.30am on Saturday.

Worst person you know sharing inspirational quotes again

THE worst person you have ever met is once again posting images with inspirational quotes over them on your social media feed.