Couple gets puppy so they will never have sex again

A COUPLE have bought a puppy so they finally have a legitimate excuse for giving up sex completely.

How to stay warm when you can’t afford to put the heating on: Rishi Sunak explains

AS resident of a five-bedroom townhouse in London and a Georgian mansion in Yorkshire, heating bills are the bane of my life. Here are tips on staying warm when the Aga’s broken.

Children naturally awful

CHILDREN are dreadful regardless of whether they have had sugar, it has emerged.

Travel rule exemption announced for middle-class families driving to National Trusts

MIDDLE class families visiting National Trust parks and woodland for their daily exercise are to be exempt from lockdown rules because it is deemed 'essential travel'.


Five great hangover cures by people who don't get that pissed

DO you like reading about implausible hangover cures for lockdown drinking? Here various lightweights describe their cures that won’t touch a proper hangover.

Woman with pink hair disappointed to see other woman with pink hair

A FREE-THINKING woman making a bold statement with hair dye was gutted to see another woman with the same pink tint.

PTA mum starts bossing herself around

WITH no one else to organise or pressure into taking part in tedious fundraising events, a PTA mum has started bossing herself around.

Lonely Planet

Shelf of Lonely Planet books laughing at you

A MAN is wondering whether to throw his Lonely Planet guides away rather than allow them to mock him from the bookshelf.

The house is shrinking, Britons report

BRITONS under lockdown have confirmed that their homes appear to be getting a tiny bit smaller every day.

Who are you trolling online?

DELIBERATELY angering strangers on the internet is the UK’s top new lockdown hobby. So who are you trolling this weekend?

Donald Trump's guide to kicking your social media addiction

FINDING it hard not to share your inane thoughts with the internet? Learn how to quit Facebook and Twitter for good with this guide from former social media addict Donald Trump.

Hardest part of Veganuary 'is not being a total pain in the arse about it'

THE hardest part of going vegan during January is not being a complete and utter pain in the arse about it, it has emerged.