I don’t want or need this and I hate myself, says purchaser of bread maker

THE new owner of a bread maker is considering taking the machine into the garden and smashing it into a million pieces.

Whisky drinkers will believe anything, say scientists

WHISKY ‘connoisseurs’ are just ruddy-nosed cash dispensers, according to new research.

Dad clearly enjoying online safety threats

A MIDDLE-AGED father of two is obviously enjoying becoming an ‘expert’ on internet dangers.

Woman hopes to meet right man then reject him because of tiny superficial detail

A 29-YEAR-OLD woman is desperate to meet a suitable man then dump him because of a small detail in his looks or mannerisms.

Workers perplexed as colleague opts for wet-look gel

OFFICE staff were confused this morning after a colleague arrived with wet-look gel in his hair.

Number of years you’ve been alive 'tells you how old you really are'

SCIENTISTS have developed a new ‘age test’ based on when you were born.

We need to look after our own first, say people who would never help anyone

TOTAL bastards have responded to the the debate over foreign aid with a sudden interest in looking after their neighbours.

Crowd at prog rock gig unsure when to applaud

THE crowd at a ‘prog rock’ gig had no idea when to applaud as they could never be sure the song had finished.