Londoner faints after seeing what northern renters get for their money

A MAN from London fainted after discovering how much northerners pay in rent each month.

Britain's f*cked-up weather explained

WE only have ourselves to blame for the current awful weather, it has emerged.

Wales gone

WALES is not there anymore.

Five dates you shouldn't go out with for the sake of a shag

ARE you tempted to enter into an inadvisable relationship because you haven’t had sex for ages? Here are some dates who should be setting off alarm bells.

Awful things you'll have to do if you want money from your parents again

YOU’RE skint again and the only people you can turn to are your parents. What will Mum and Dad want in return for all that cash, and would it be better to just live in a skip instead?

Man takes half an hour to turn off his car alarm

A MAN has taken 30 minutes to shut off his deafening car alarm.

Is it worth having a pension or would you be amazed if you lived that long?

EVERYONE should put money into a pension scheme but is it really worth it if you drink heavily, smoke daily and are casually reckless with your life choices? 

Lazy bastard rediscovers comfort zone

A MAN who made a string of rash New Year’s resolutions has happily sunk back into his comfort zone.

I'm having an emotional support wank, man tells wife

A MAN has claimed that his right to masturbate should be protected for his mental health.

Woman's bold new haircut fails to deliver bold new personality

A WOMAN who has recently got a dramatic new haircut was disappointed to find she is still the same dreary, uninspiring person.

Spending day in dressing gown fine if you've paid £280 to be at a spa

FESTERING in a sweaty towelling gown all day is only acceptable if you have paid to do it at a luxury spa.

Woman buys in Easter eggs early, eats them, buys more in, eats, repeats

A WOMAN who decided to get her Easter shopping done early has become trapped in a cycle of chocolate consumption.