A MAN who has been fired nine times in a row for incompetence and dodgy dealings is applying to be a Conservative MP.
NORTHERNERS are enjoying the scenes at Bournemouth beach that prove once and for all that Southerners are just scum with fancy accents.
A SELF-SATISFIED jogger has just smashed their personal best at being an all-round insufferable bastard, it has emerged.
A HEATWAVE in Britain guarantees inane conversations about the weather. Here are some things to say to help you join in.
A WOMAN is idiotically wasting a large chunk of her life rereading emails and WhatsApp messages the moment she has sent them.
IT’S unbearably hot, anything you do might kill you and a malevolent clown is gambling with your life and future. Is it Britain or Hell? Find out with our fun quiz.
AN overweight man has been spotted showing off his curvaceous assets in the park, it has emerged.
IF you spend even a small amount of time online, you’ll find people throwing around bum-clenchingly lame insults they think are riotously funny. Here are the worst.
A MAN asked to explain what the phrase ‘white lives matter’ means was unable to give any explanation that was not bullshit.
FROM useless wanker politicians to the f**kwitted man-in-the-street the UK’s main problem is that it is full of twats, research has found.
METRES aren’t British, so no true patriot should be able to remember how long they are without help. Use these sturdy pointers.
BRITONS have admitted they cannot imagine why they would bother with pubs when it is so much cheaper to get shitfaced in the garden.