News

Northerner banished to south for saying London was 'okay'

A NORTHERN man has been exiled to the South of England after telling friends London was ‘not that bad’.

HR terms that mean you're about to get fired

ARE you being bombarded by indecipherable corporate jargon? Check to see if you’re about to get your ar*e kicked out the door.

Man marries woman he doesn't fancy to be polite

A BRITISH man has married a woman he is not attracted to out of sheer British politeness.

Parents full of sh*t, kids discover

CHILDREN have discovered their parents are total bullshitters who lie to them daily.

The gammon's guide to not having a racist bone in your body

BIGOTED bones are terrible. I had a granddad who suffered. But today’s gammons don’t have a racist bone in them, and here’s why:

Discrimination wrong unless it's based on what car you drive

NO-ONE should be discriminated against unless they drive a car that singles them out as an utter w**ker, Britain has agreed.

The Daily Telegraph guide to reporting the opposite of reality

DO YOU struggle to understand Daily Telegraph reportage which appears to come from a mirror-universe?

Schoolboy writes harrowing true-horror essay about what he did on his sh*t British holiday

A SCHOOLBOY has told the unspeakable truth about his sh*tty British summer holiday in a back-to-school essay.

Woman on deathbed regrets not doing more ironing

AN 88-year-old woman has confessed that her biggest regret is that she did not spend more time ironing clothes.

The foreigner's guide to what the f**k has happened to Britain

FOREIGN? Then you’re probably wondering why the mother of parliaments is collapsing like an Albanian pyramid scheme.

The Rees-Mogg guide to making your own medicine

ON THURSDAY June 26th 2016 the UK voted, quite rightly, against keeping supply lines open for life-saving medicines, so it’s time to start making your own. Try these...

Couple book babysitter so they can spend whole evening looking at photos of their children

A COUPLE have hired a babysitter so they can spend a rare evening alone together looking at photographs of their kids.