THE world cannot believe that all this fuss is being caused over one mumbling, egotistical, incoherent dickhead.
WITH 2021 getting off to a miserable start, here are some tone-deaf phrases to use if you want to make the situation even worse.
COULD you be Mr Right for the newly single billionaire businesswoman model? Find out with our quiz.
A FULLY-GROWN adult can only remember what order letters go in by singing the A-B-C song he was taught in nursery.
TAKING up running isn’t so attractive when it’s pissing with rain and freezing, but you’ve never been this fat. So how can you emerge from lockdown healthy?
DOCTORS have issued a public health warning the public that doing Dry Veganuary in a national lockdown is not achievable.
GCSES and A-levels are cancelled and I, your teacher Mr Logan, will be deciding your grades based on one term’s work and my grudges. Which is fine because qualifications are bollocks.
GIVING yourself a break from the news is essential for mental health, but reading a book or watching Netflix is too much like not looking at your phone.
ALL the celebrities who once tweeted ‘we’re in this together’ are sunning themselves in Mexico and Dubai like the wankers they are, it has emerged.
THE country is back in lockdown, everyone’s back on Zoom, and they probably need cheering up. Crack these gags they’ve heard four times this morning.
A NEW national lockdown is necessary to buy time to create a bold new set of excuses for the lockdown after that, the government has admitted.
ALL this lockdown bullshit is happening again exactly like the f**king last time, Britain has wearily confirmed.