News

All this fuss over one dickhead

THE world cannot believe that all this fuss is being caused over one mumbling, egotistical, incoherent dickhead. 

'I'm thriving in lockdown!' and other phrases no one needs to hear right now

WITH 2021 getting off to a miserable start, here are some tone-deaf phrases to use if you want to make the situation even worse.

Do you have a chance with Kim Kardashian? Take our quiz

COULD you be Mr Right for the newly single billionaire businesswoman model? Find out with our quiz.

Grown man still needs little song to remember alphabet

A FULLY-GROWN adult can only remember what order letters go in by singing the A-B-C song he was taught in nursery.

How to exercise through a cold, dark, horrible winter lockdown

TAKING up running isn’t so attractive when it’s pissing with rain and freezing, but you’ve never been this fat. So how can you emerge from lockdown healthy?

Dry Veganuary impossible, experts warn

DOCTORS have issued a public health warning the public that doing Dry Veganuary in a national lockdown is not achievable.

Why it's fine that exams are cancelled because they mean nothing: a teacher explains

GCSES and A-levels are cancelled and I, your teacher Mr Logan, will be deciding your grades based on one term’s work and my grudges. Which is fine because qualifications are bollocks.

How to take your mind off current events without ever putting down your phone

GIVING yourself a break from the news is essential for mental health, but reading a book or watching Netflix is too much like not looking at your phone.

Rich twats still abroad

ALL the celebrities who once tweeted ‘we’re in this together’ are sunning themselves in Mexico and Dubai like the wankers they are, it has emerged.

'Long commute to the kitchen table!' and other jokes your online co-workers hate

THE country is back in lockdown, everyone’s back on Zoom, and they probably need cheering up. Crack these gags they’ve heard four times this morning.

Lockdown to give government vital time to find excuses for next lockdown

A NEW national lockdown is necessary to buy time to create a bold new set of excuses for the lockdown after that, the government has admitted.

This shit again

ALL this lockdown bullshit is happening again exactly like the f**king last time, Britain has wearily confirmed.