News

Teachers remind 16-year-olds that GCSEs will dictate every aspect of their entire lives

RESPONSIBLE teachers have informed their Year 11 pupils that their exams will determine which of them succeed or fail for the next 70-80 years.

Male mannequins to feature hand down front of trousers

MALE fashion mannequins are to be more realistic, including at least one hand rammed permanently down the front of their trousers.

New dating app for people with massive holes in their earlobes

A NEW DATING app has launched to connect people who have massive, stupid holes in their ears.

Wedding list taking the absolute piss

A COUPLE'S online wedding list has got to be taking the piss, it has been confirmed.

How middle-class is your internet history?

YOUR internet history is an open secret to your boss and your partner so it needs to reflect your values and aspirations. But is it middle-class enough?

Johnson accidentally sold Britain to Peruvian drug lord

BRITAIN belongs to a Peruvian drug lord after an ‘accident’ by Boris Johnson.

Gove mad for the gak

MICHAEL Gove is absolutely mental for beak, the white stuff, ching and nose crack, he has confessed. 

Man urgently needs to buy himself something

A MAN who has had a tough week is urgently searching for something he can buy himself to cheer himself up.

Five ways to breastfeed in public if you really must

UNLESS you’re a model, pop star or on Love Island, breastfeeding in public is often frowned upon. Follow these rules to protect the population from a hideous glimpse of breast.

Teenagers marvel as dad recalls putting on album and listening all the way through

TWO teenagers are finding it hard to believe their father would put on LPs and give them his undivided attention all the way through.

Craft beer drinker experiencing pretentious hangover

A MAN who only drinks craft beer is suffering from a hangover he considers superior to one caused by mass-produced beer.

Are you a nightmare to go out with?

DO your relationships keep ending badly? It could be because you’re a fucking nightmare to go out with. Take our test and find out.