News

Flaunting curves: the Daily Mail's breakdown of everything a woman does wrong while walking down the street

NOTHING stirs the moral outrage of a Mail reader like the sight of a young woman shamelessly out in public. Here’s that needless provocation broken down,

The six places delivery drivers leave your parcel

OUR eternal lockdown has left us all over-reliant on parcel deliveries. But where in the general vicinity of your postcode has your package been left this time?

Jesus spent Easter Tuesday catching up on admin, says Vatican

NEWLY-RELEASED Bible verses have revealed that after his ‘lost’ Easter weekend, Jesus spent the next day trying to get his paperwork sorted out.

Ramming swabs up our noses twice a week wasn't on the f**king roadmap, says Britain

A CONFUSED public is pretty sure sticking a six-inch swab up their nose twice a week was not originally included in Boris Johnson’s roadmap.

Five unbearable TV couples

LOVE TV, but hate the smug couples you’re supposed to root for? Here are five awful pairings to inspire you never to find love.

Snow falling across North as per bloody usual

SNOW is falling across Scotland and northern England just as it always does right into bloody August.

How to never pay your friends back for anything

ALWAYS getting mates to spot you cash with no intention of paying them back? Money-saving expert Jordan Gardner explains how to defraud your nearest and dearest:

Cornflakes

Only surviving ingredient of Easter nests is cornflakes

A MUM who congratulated herself on her forward planning has had to re-purchase the ingredients for Easter nests four times so far.

barbecue

Key points for your crappy little Easter garden get-together

PLANNING an Easter get-together in your garden with a strictly limited number of family members? Make sure it’s no fun for anyone with these tips.

A minuscule jewel-studded thong: five things to buy now the contactless limit is £100

THE contactless payment limit has risen from £45 to £100, so what will you be spending your frictionless money on in an economy ravaged by inflation?

'Can’t believe we got through it' says employed homeowner with loving family and no worries

A MAN with no real-world problems is amazed that he and his family have survived the UK’s winter lockdown.

Whether to watch Finding Dory for the 67th time - a child discusses the pros and cons

AS a child, should you subject your parents to the 67th viewing of Finding Dory, or try a film you’ve never seen before? Here six-year-old Lauren Hewitt weighs up the arguments.