The gammon's guide to EU trade negotiations

GOVERNMENT ministers are talking tough on EU negotiations, but are they tough enough for Britain’s gammons? Leaver Roy Hobbs sets out his demands.

New mum jealous of her partner's commute

THE mother of a two-month-old baby has admitted she is jealous of her partner’s two-and-a-half hour daily commute.

What does the bizarre crap in your car boot say about you?

YOUR car boot is the cupboard that isn’t in the house and you don’t have to think about, so it’s where the real freaky sh*t piles up. Here’s what yours says about you.

Man looking for 'emotionally intelligent' partner posts topless selfie on dating profile

A MAN who is looking for a woman with ‘emotional intelligence’ who ‘looks beyond the surface’ has chose a six-pack selfie for his dating profile.

Whole office filled with dread after handwritten note appears in kitchen that begins 'Hi guys'

EVERYONE in an office is dreading what happens next after a handwritten note appeared on a kitchen cupboard that starts with the words ‘Hi Guys…’

Villagers buy local pub then knock it down for a Tesco Metro

A RURAL village has formed a co-operative to purchase their local pub then demolish it and open something useful.

Six ways in which Brexit is totally, completely done

BREXIT is done, over, finished and will never be mentioned again. Here’s six ways in which you won’t hear about it.

Weirdo parks car in garage

A SICK freak has provoked widespread disgust after parking his car in his garage.

Woman cooks meal to blackmail friends into coming to her flat

A WOMAN has deviously cooked a meal to force her mates to come to her place rather than go out to meet them.

Secret to female orgasm is 'doing stuff they actually like'

THE secret to the female orgasm is to just ask them what they actually like and then do it, researchers have found.

Greta Thunberg is 'pathetic', says middle-aged man who can't load dishwasher

A MIDDLE-aged man who cannot load a dishwasher has dismissed Greta Thunberg as a 'useless waste of space'.

How to claw back your self-respect after you've drunk-texted your ex

DID you send your ex a text telling them you still ‘have feelings’ for them while blackout drunk? Here’s how to wriggle out of it.