News

Even foetus embarrassed by hideous 'gender reveal party'

A PARTY to reveal the gender of an unborn child is such a horrible, attention-seeking event that even the foetus in question is cringing.

Recruitment agency claims nice bloke is evidence of 'diversity'

A RECRUITMENT company is using the only nice person in their office as an example of a minority.

Vegan who eats eggs has a stupid name for it and you're about to hear it

A WOMAN who shuns all meat and dairy products apart from eggs has a special term for her particular form of food weirdness.

Man who thinks he hasn't got Northern accent totally does

A NORTHERNER who fondly imagines he does not have a noticeable accent could not be more wrong.

How to survive being back at work and still hungover

ARE you feeling sh*t this morning after overdoing the booze all weekend? Here’s how to get through the terrifying day ahead. 

Trump backs down on nuking hurricanes 'because it could release three super-villains from the Phantom Zone'

DONALD Trump has ditched plans to fire a nuclear missile at a hurricane after officials told him it would rupture the Phantom Zone, releasing a trio of super-villains.

Taylor Swift writing song called 'Hull Lady'

POP superstar Taylor Swift is working on a new song about what a lady from Hull might get up to on a Saturday.

Trump has pressed fake nuclear button CIA gave him eight times this week

DONALD Trump has pressed the large fake red button that the CIA told him would set off nuclear weapons eight times this week.

Kate and William seen boarding Megabus

THE Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have dealt another PR blow to rivals Harry and Meghan by being pictured taking their family to Aberdeen by Megabus.

The swingeing, petty rules to follow at your holiday flat

WELCOME to your holiday flat. We hope you have a wonderful stay, though I hope to make that less likely by settling these rules.

'I was hoping you'd have a lightsaber,' says woman on arriving at date's flat

A WOMAN confirmed that she made the right choice of sexual partner when seeing a replica lightsaber mounted on the wall of his home.

Man refuses to accept it is too cold for shorts

A MAN who has insisted on wearing shorts for every day of his UK holiday is refusing to concede that he is cold.