News

Man takes up rock climbing to scale new heights of twattishness

A MAN has added a whole new element of twattishness to his personality by taking up indoor rock climbing.

Neighbours' recycling bins more compelling than anything on Netflix

A WOMAN has discovered her neighbours' recycling bins are more interesting than anything on Netflix.

Vinyl fan preparing to be a pretentious pr*ck about CDs instead

A MAN who thinks vinyl records are now too mainstream has decided to become obsessive about compact discs instead.

Are you weird enough to be a 'tradwife'?

BEING a 1950s-style housewife is the latest craze amongst slightly strange women. But do you have what it takes to be a 'tradwife'? Find out with our quiz.

How to pretend you're a good listener while thinking about something else

DO YOU want people to think you’re understanding and sensitive even though you tuned out during the first sentence?

I am about to f**k up your life, says wisdom tooth

A WISDOM tooth has declared its intention to f**k up an unsuspecting man’s life.

'Where is the rest of this top?' women ask shops

WOMEN are asking shops why they are charging full-price for tops that appear to be only half a top, in winter, when it is freezing.

Six films to think about to prolong your lovemaking

ARE you a man who sometimes needs to distract himself during sex? Here are some deeply unerotic films to think about to put on the brakes.

How are you spunking away the last days of humanity?

THE coronavirus will soon reduce humanity to a tattered handful of survivors. But how will you waste your final days?

F**k fishing quotas: what Britain really cares about in the UK-EU trade deal

THE UK is leaving the EU and we have less time to broker a trade deal than to finish the contract for the gym you've stopped going to. Here’s what our negotiators must prioritise.

Every day is like a romcom, say working mums

WORKING mothers have confirmed that every day of their lives is a quirky and heartwarming journey like in a romantic comedy.

Remainers getting DNA-tested to prove they're not English

SALES of home DNA tests have spiked as Remainers desperately try to prove they are not in any way English.