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Hot singles looking to join social bubbles in your area

ATTRACTIVE single people in your area desperately want to join your social bubble, adverts are claiming.

Coronavirus still coming down from weekend at rave

THE coronavirus has admitted it has changed its outlook on life after spending Saturday night in a field near Oldham out of its box on E.

Your guide to where you should and shouldn't urinate

DO you have difficulty distinguishing between a legitimate place to relieve yourself and the kind of monument you claim to be defending?

'Lockdown brought us closer', says one couple in whole UK

FOR a single married couple in the whole of Britain, enforced time at home together has not been a curse but a blessing.

Couple request mortgage holiday after trip to Waitrose

A COUPLE who decided to shop in Waitrose as a treat have come home and immediately requested a three-month mortgage holiday.

Thousands of naked people queue for Primark as their cheap shit clothes fell apart weeks ago

PRIMARK branches around England are besieged by naked Primark customers whose crappy clothing fell apart a fortnight into lockdown.

Outraged parents didn't raise daughter to become woman with own opinions

A COUPLE do not know what they did wrong in raising their daughter for her to have opinions which diverge from their own.

A boring-as-f**k birthday message to my two-year-old who isn't on social media so will never read this

HAPPY birthday to my darling boy!  You won’t actually see this because you can’t read and aren’t on social media on account of being a toddler.

Bastard free trial renews because you forgot

THAT f**king free trial thing you did last month has renewed for a sum of money you did not want to pay because you forget to cancel.

Five ways to look less like a twat on your e-scooter

MANY people are turning to e-scooters as an alternative mode of transport, with the only downside that they look like stupid twats who get in everyone's way. Here are five ways to look less idiotic on your overpriced adult toy-mobile.

How to have a doomed summer romance during lockdown

LOCKDOWN restrictions needn’t be the death knell for your misguided romantic endeavours. Enjoy some summer lovin’ that will leave you emotionally scarred with these tips.

Woman smugly growing vegetables she doesn't even like

A WOMAN is incredibly smug about all the gardening she is doing, even though she is growing things that she thinks are horrible.