News

How to change the subject if someone starts talking about their feelings

DID you just ask someone how they’re feeling and now they’re actually telling you? Quash the conversation sharpish with these tips.

Cat announces plans to shit all over everyone's gardens this weekend

A CAT has confirmed that it will do its utmost to shit exactly where you plan to tread in your front and back garden.

'Silent majority' never seem to shut the f**k up

PEOPLE who consider themselves to be part of the 'silent majority' seem to be forever shouting very loudly about snowflakes, libtards and traitors.

Man would have sex on first date

A MAN has confirmed that, contrary to all expectations and social morés, he would have sex on the first date if he felt it had gone well enough.

WHO confirms it's okay to piss in the garden after four drinks

THE World Health Organisation has advised men that as long as they have consumed a minimum of four alcoholic drinks they are fine to urinate in the garden.

The shit social gatherings you'll go to this weekend

ALTHOUGH things are returning to 'normal', the pandemic is still making life shit. Here are five social gatherings to attend which will prove incredibly disappointing.

Woman using homeopathy to treat coronavirus thinks vaccines are dangerous

A WOMAN using homeopathy to treat the coronavirus she has caught is glad she was not vaccinated against it because it might be dangerous.

The shit-stirrer's guide to catching up on office politics

ARE you worried that working from home has made you fall behind in your duties as a toxic office nuisance? Regain lost ground with these tips:

Which BBC star would you like to see fired for their tweets?

NEW BBC boss Tim Davie has said that BBC stars could be fired over controversial tweets. So who would you like to see sacked? 

Couple instantly fall out of love after not holding hands for two seconds

A COUPLE have realised that they are not in love anymore after briefly being forced not to hold each other’s hands, they have confirmed.

Six 1980s school experiences today's kids will miss out on

WITH Covid measures in place and namby-pamby ‘child protection’ laws, today’s kids are missing out on a character-building 1980s education. Here’s what they should be subjected to.

Five sci-fi dystopias Trump appears to be basing America on

AS Donald Trump becomes ever more unhinged, one possible explanation is that he’s secretly a big fan of nightmarish alternate realities. Could these be his inspiration?