'I'm Just Like Any Other Millionaire Soldier Who Can Come Home Whenever He Wants'

ROYAL hero Prince Harry has spoken of his relief at being treated like an ordinary soldier who can come home whenever he feels like it.

GPs Urge Government To Confirm Online Banking Details

DOCTORS are urging the government to confirm its online banking details before account access is suspended.

Sting's Next Album Will Be 'Just Awful' Critics Predict

STING'S next album has been panned by critics more than two years before he is due to start recording it.

BBC Unveils Plans For 'Earthquake: The Mini Series'

THE BBC has unveiled plans for a three-part mini series based on this morning's earthquake in Lincolnshire.

Center Parcs Exposed As Terrorist Training Camps

THEY are portrayed as a haven for families, but beneath the idyllic, tree-lined surface, Center Parcs are teeming with paint-balling gangs of would-be terrorists, it was claimed yesterday.

Wheat Price Increase Foretells Great Doom

THE price of a bushel of wheat rose yet again in the markets of Flanders yesterday presaging a monstrous tribulation and a grave rise in the price of mead, the Lord High Guardian of the King's Purse has warned.

Prisoners To Be Sodomised In Bid To Cut CO2

MALE prisoners are to return to the predatory sexual hell of communal showers, in a bid to help the government reduce CO2.

'I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Turban' Claims Obama

DEMOCRATIC frontrunner Barak Obama has been forced to deny claims he had sex with a turban during a visit to Africa.

All New Homes To Smell Of Toffee And Urine

ALL new homes will be made from boiled sweets and smell of piss and chopped pork, to ensure they are suitable for the elderly, the government said last night. 

Children Admit To Being Little Shits

MORE than 90% of British children are unbearable little shits, according to new research.

Millionaires Give Each Other Awards For Dressing Up

IT is the biggest, most glamorous night of the year. It is the night when millionaires give each other awards for dressing up and pretending to be someone else.

Jailed Saudi Men Blame Burqa Wearing Cock-Tease

A GROUP of Saudi men jailed for flirting have claimed they were driven to it by a provocatively dressed woman who flashed the bridge of her nose at them.