PATRICK Duffy, the Man from Atlantis, is to launch a legal bid on behalf of millions of sea creatures to prevent a Russian takeover of the deep.
ROCK legend Keith Richards is to write his memoirs, filled with intimate details of his life as a member of The Beatles.
ALL Scottish people are either related or went to school together, according to the vast majority of English people.
IT'S been billed as the biggest event in a generation for people with mouths.
LOCAL authority recycling centres across the UK are to offer a drop-off service for old or faulty wives.
CANNABIS is now more evil than the Nazis and smoking the drug is worse for the brain than watching Richard Madeley on television, new research suggests.
SITTING down dramatically increases the risk of arse cancer and should be regulated under strict new laws, doctors decided last night.
THE makers of the faith-based toys taking America by storm are to produce a gay action figure that children can 'stone to death' in accordance with scripture.
HOMEOWNERS in the UK are more interested in the value of their house than in the fate of their own children, according to a new survey.
BRITAIN and the United States have signed an historic agreement to hunt down witches and burn them in the village square.
After talks at the White House George Bush and Gordon Brown agreed that Senator Hillary Clinton was almost certainly the leader of an international coven which "nightly indulges in fleshy abominations with Satan himself".
Brown said: "If we pious and humble souls are to save thee from devilish temptations we must, by the grace of God, makest a mortal enemy of witchcraft.
IT is one of the most critically acclaimed shows in the history of television, but last night's premiere of the new series of the West Wing left British viewers perplexed.