Anti-Ageing Creams Are 98% Bullshit, Say Scientists

WOMEN'S anti-ageing face creams contain up to 98% bullshit, according to a new study.

Stupid Hats Everywhere

BRITAIN was awash with stupid bloody hats yesterday as the temperature dipped below freezing for the first time this winter.

The Purge Begins

THE Prime Minister last night began the elimination of his enemies as he pledged to cleanse Britain of the virus of dissent.

Not Just Indians Dead

THE number of people killed as a result of Indian terrorism who are not Indians rose dramatically last night.

Cheese And Onion Crisps Go Into Administration

ADMINISTRATORS were called into cheese and onion crisps last night as the classic flavour became the latest high profile victim of the recession.

Apple Accused Of Exaggerating How Much You Matter

APPLE has been forced to withdraw its latest iPhone advert because it exaggerates how busy you are and how significant your life is.

NHS To Number Old People

ELDERLY people in hospital will be referred to by a number under new NHS guidelines.

Lapdancers To Wear William Hague Masks

BRITAIN'S lapdancers are to wear William Hague masks in a bid to restrict their sexual potency.