News

New Prostate Cancer Drug Not As Good As 'The Wire'

A NEW prostate cancer drug which could save thousands of lives is still not as good as The Wire, critics said last night.

Britain Willing BT Broadband Couple To Split

MILLIONS of viewers have contacted British Telecom urging them to end the pathetic relationship at the heart of their long-running series of TV adverts.

Unemployed To Be Used For Soup

THE long-term unemployed are to be boiled down and used for soup, ministers confirmed last night.

Government Releases Danish Crime Figures

MINISTERS were yesterday forced to withdraw a new report which showed crime falling across the country, after realising it was Danish.

F22 Raptor Also A Camera

THE new F22 Raptor stealth fighter can now store up to 25,000 songs and features a class leading 6.2 megapixel camera, built-in. 

85% Of Men Have No Idea How To React To Helen Mirren In A Bikini

THE majority of British men were in a state of extreme confusion last night after seeing photos of 63 year-old Helen Mirren in a bikini.

Fat Guy Made Excellent Firedoor, Say Colleagues

A FIREFIGHTER sacked for being overweight is a key member of the team and makes an outstanding firedoor, his colleagues said last night.

Teenagers Urged To Sponge Groins After Sex

TEENAGERS are being urged to sponge themselves thoroughly following a sharp increase in young person's sex diseases.