News

Britain Hit By Obscenity Epidemic

BRITAIN is in the middle of an obscenity epidemic with most people expected to be foul-mouthed ‘fuckers’ by 2050, according to latest government estimates. 

Pub Lunches Cost £20 But Still Taste Of Dung And Sweat, Says Report

THE cost of the traditional British pub lunch has soared to £20 even though the basic ingredients of cow pats and chef sweat have remained the same, a major industry survey has revealed.

Most BBC News Now About The BBC

THE majority of the news output from the BBC is now about the BBC, according to a new BBC report.

Booker Prize Goes To Thrilling Page-Turner About The Intangible Nature Of Loss

ANNE Enright has won Britain's most prestigious literary award for her latest rollercoaster thrill-ride of a novel about some Irish people having a big talk about this and that. 

Men Should Have Sex Every Day, Say Men

MEN should have sex every day, according to the latest scientific research by men.

Fat People More Dangerous Than Atomic Bomb

FAT people are now more destructive than the atomic bomb and will soon crush the earth to death – unless they eat if first, health secretary Alan Johnson said last night.

Children Don't Like School, Says Report

CHILDREN don’t like going to school and would prefer not to have to do any work at all, according to a major new study of education in Britain.

Muslims And Christians To Unite In Hatred Of Gays

A GROUP of senior Islamic clerics has written to Pope Benedict XVI calling for the world's two biggest faiths to find common cause over their obsessive hatred of gay people.

Gore Film Is 'Inconvenient Bollocks' Says Judge

AL Gore’s climate change film An Inconvenient Truth is actually bollocks, a High Court judge ruled yesterday. 

Prince William To Ask RAF And Navy What They Do

PRINCE William is to spend three years asking junior members of the armed forces what it is they do.

'My Tate Crack Hell'

A TOURIST who spent 53 hours trapped inside the huge crack in the floor of the Tate Gallery has described the moment he knew he wanted to die.

Everyone In Public Life Now An Untrustworthy Bastard

ALL people in positions of responsibility are untrustworthy pieces of shit who have made it their life's mission to shaft you, according to new research.