News

Bear Grylls' guide to surviving the high street

HI, I’m Bear Grylls, and tomorrow I’m going to be visiting the most dangerous environment on Earth: the English high street.

Woman manages to bake bread without posting about it on social media

A WOMAN has somehow baked a loaf of bread without banging on about it all over the internet.

Six Sun headlines that could make it even more repulsive than it already is

THE Sun is the worst of Britain and has been for 40 years. But can it continue its downward spiral into evil? Perhaps with these headlines: 

How to leave a comment on Daily Mail online about Black Lives Matter

DO you have a strong urge to criticise Black Lives Matter on Mail Online without looking like an actual racist? Here’s how to go about it.

Matt Hancock's guide to saying nothing whatsoever at daily press briefings

ARE you wondering how the government’s daily briefings manage to be quite so pointless? Here is the Q&A document used by Matt Hancock or whoever gets the short straw that day.

Coronavirus 'still not as stressful as explaining Windows 10 upgrade to your parents'

A MAN has found that supporting his parents during coronavirus is nothing compared to the trauma of helping them install Windows 10.

Kids reach 'f**k this shit' stage of lockdown

CHILDREN who have been at home for the past 12 weeks have sacked off schooling to concentrate on being a pain in the arse.

Man ruins relationship by celebrating one month anniversary

A MAN has ended his new relationship by celebrating its one month anniversary, it has emerged.

Science is bollocks, confirms Johnson

THE prime minister has announced that science is a load of bollocks only metropolitan liberal elitists believe in. 

Filthy chemical chicken and other recipes you can make after the US trade deal

WHEN the UK/US trade deal happens and those pesky food standards are lowered we’ll be able to make all sorts of monstrous meals. Here are some suggestions.

Little Britain DVDs thrown into Bristol Harbour

LITTLE Britain DVDs have joined the Edward Colston statue at the bottom of Bristol Harbour, it has been confirmed.

'Do I have to go to the f**king zoo?': Your guide to getting back to normal

ARE you confused by the government’s weird and disjointed plans for returning to normal? Here are your questions answered as best we can.