News

Boyfriend thinking of doing stand-up comedy instantly 85% less attractive

THE girlfriend of a man who believes he is funny enough to be a stand-up comedian is considering terminating the relationship immediately.

Child who calls parents by their first names freaking everyone out

A CHILD with trendy parents who uses their first names instead of 'mum' and 'dad' is having a chilling effect on people.

Living life to the full 'not the same as getting p*ssed every day'

A CONTROVERSIAL new study suggests that leading a rich and full life might not necessarily involve getting sh*tfaced as often as possible.

Late night trip to Tesco still oddly thrilling

GOING to a supermarket at 4am is strangely exciting and edgy even though it is just full of knackered people stacking shelves, it has been confirmed. 

Tedious b*stard decides his personality is 'meat eater'

A MAN without much personality has decided to compensate by constantly telling people how into meat he is.

The idiot's guide to changing your name

WANT to change your name? Perhaps you’re on the run or just tired of being called Leslie Smallcock? Here’s how to do it without sounding like a tw*t.

Bake Off unveils sacrificial hipster

CHANNEL 4 has unveiled this year’s Bake Off hipster, who will meet with a terrible fate.

Woman who watched Mindhunter believes boyfriend is a serial killer

A WOMAN who binge-watched all the episodes of Mindhunter is convinced she has developed an instinct for sniffing out sadistic murderers.

Woman’s handbag basically a dustbin with leather handles

A WOMAN’S designer leather handbag has gradually evolved into a crap-filled portable dustbin.

Best not to think about what cheese is, say experts

EXPERTS have agreed that it is best for everyone if we neither think about nor acknowledge what cheese actually is.

Whistleblower reveals Britain’s universities 'full of dweebs'

AN anonymous whistleblower has revealed that Britain's universities are hotbeds of dweebish behaviour.

Woman becomes self help guru simply by putting every 10th word in all-caps

A WOMAN has become a self help guru after accidentally putting every 10th word she writes in capital letters.