News

'It's been a hard year' and other excuses for that tenth Baileys

CHRISTMAS was just a brief pause before entering tier 4 this year, so as a new year begins use these excuses to finish that bottle of Baileys.

Trampoline in front garden knocks 15 per cent off house prices

THE value of every house in a street has dropped by 15 per cent after a child’s Christmas trampoline was set up in the front garden.

Couple on wholesome New Year's walk still high

A COUPLE enjoying a bracing walk to welcome the new year are still off their faces from last night.

Never leaving the pub early ever again, and other resolutions for a post-pandemic 2021

THERE’S a vaccine coming, unless the Tories f**k it up, and after the inevitable January lockdown life could return to normal. Make resolutions accordingly.

Spooning in the bath with Dominic Cummings, and other bad dreams of 2020

OUR brains had a lot to process this year so if your nightmares have involved some pretty weird shit, you’re not alone.

Stop lying to yourselves and chuck us in the f**king bin, say nuts

A SELECTION of mixed nuts ostensibly bought for Christmas have appealed to the household to stop deluding themselves and put them in the bin. 

Man taking shots of Gaviscon like tequila

A DAD is getting into the party spirit by doing repeated shots of Gaviscon.

Elderly parent helps out by washing up immediately next to dishwasher

AN elderly parent is helping at Christmas by doing the washing up while standing three feet away from a dishwasher. 

Stollen

Metropolitan daughter terrorising rural family with panettone and stollen

A METROPOLITAN daughter is terrorising her rural family by introducing them to continental Christmas food such as pannetone and stollen.

Five great Christmas activities to ruin with a hangover

CHRISTMAS is full of fun activities, but also many opportunities to get extremely pissed. Here are some things to turn into a gruelling nightmare with a bad hangover.

UK in race against time to spend high street vouchers before shops go bust

ACROSS Britain recipients of high street gift vouchers are desperately racing to spend them before the retailers in question go bust.