PEOPLE who intimidate other drivers by getting right up their arse were never hugged by their mums, it has been confirmed.
A GROUP of excitable teenagers going to a music festival are blissfully unaware of the miserable, demoralising squalor ahead.
A MECHANIC was genuinely going to charge a fair price to fix a car until its owner provoked him by saying something.
A SPIDER plant is fed up of spending its life in a damp room where people go to the bog.
BLONDE men have been officially advised not to experiment with facial hair for the safety and happiness of those who must look at them.
TORY leadership candiate Boris Johnson is a powerful reminder that when it comes down to it humans are just overgrown sperm, scientists have confirmed.
THE ‘deep divisions in society’ caused by Brexit are actually just various twats moaning on about stuff, experts now believe.
A CRAZED lunatic has outraged sensibilities by beginning to watch a feature film at 9.30pm on a weekday night.
BACK in 1945 Britain beat Nazi Germany, with only nominal help from the USA and Russia. And today, there are more Britons who believe they would single-handedly defeat the Nazis then ever before. But would we?
GRANDPARENTS looking after their grandchildren over half-term have no idea what attraction they are visiting today and could not care less, they have confirmed.
A COUNCIL representing Britain’s 11-year-olds has convened to ratify which swear words they will be using over the next 12 months.
BREXITERS’ passionate opposition to a second referendum is definitely not because of fear they would lose, they have confirmed.