News

Are you a psychopath or do you sleep next to someone who snores?

DO you fantasise about murdering your partner while they sleep? Take our quiz and find out if you’re a cold-blooded psychopath or just sick of their snoring.

Man 'weighing in' on debate about period poverty advised to get to f**k

A MAN who thought a conversation about ‘period poverty’ needed his ill-informed opinions has been told in strong terms that it did not.

Couple with sign saying 'This kitchen is for dancing' mainly use it for drinking

A KITCHEN with a twee little sign saying it is used for dancing is mainly used for getting hammered on Shiraz.

Daily Mail renames itself the Daily F**k You Meghan We Hate You

THE Daily Mail has renamed itself the Daily F**k You Meghan We Hate You in recognition of its core focus as a publication. 

The five most annoying habits of your retired parents

ARE you constantly driven up the wall by your elderly parents’ strange behaviour? Here’s how to cope with their most annoying habits.

Is your song bland enough for Radio 2?

SONGS aiming for the lucrative Radio 2 playlist have to be bland enough to offend no-one while remaining just about memorable. Here’s how to make your ditty dull enough to soar.

Woman hoping to bounce back from decade of drinking and smoking with sheet mask

A 34-YEAR-OLD woman believes she can reverse the damage inflicted by years of fags and booze with a rejuvenating face mask.

Man calling himself 'self-styled' expert is definitely a prick

A MAN describing himself as a ‘self-styled’ expert is without doubt a d*ckhead, researchers have confirmed.

How to cope with the rest of your life when you peaked at secondary school

WERE you incredibly popular aged 11-16 but have since become one more drop in humanity’s ocean? Here’s what to do to feel special again.

Amazon detractors forced to admit that Saudi Royal family is just slightly worse

PEOPLE who have been complaining about the evils of Amazon for years have been forced to admit that the Saudi Arabian Royal family might just have the edge.

Man consoling female friend after breakup runs out of things to say after 15 seconds

A MAN attempting to counsel a female friend after a breakup has run out of platitudes in record time, he has admitted.

Cold weather to continue while Britain remains island off coast of Europe in winter

FORECASTERS have warned that the current cold weather will continue as long as Britain remains an island betweeen continental Europe and the Atlantic during winter.