News

Viewers Baffled By New Series Of 'West Wing'

IT is one of the most critically acclaimed shows in the history of television, but last night's premiere of the new series of the West Wing left British viewers perplexed.

Disney To Ban Patio Heaters

ENTERTAINMENT giant Disney is to remove all images of patio heaters from its films.

Obesity Caused By 'Infected Buns'

FATNESS is contagious and can be caught from contaminated cakes, buns and sausages, according to new research.

Smell Of Piss Removed From Trains By 2014

THE unbearable stench of stale urine will be removed from all mainline and suburban rail services by 2014, the transport secretary said yesterday.

Brown Unveils Plans For Underwater Society

PRIME minister Gordon Brown has unveiled ambitious plans to build 50,000 homes at the bottom of England's biggest lakes.

Insurance Companies Pretending To Be Chinese Restaurants

BRITAIN'S biggest insurance companies are pretending to be Chinese restaurants to avoid flood damage claims, the Daily Mash has learned.

Blair Sells Peerages To Hamas

TONY Blair has made his first move as Middle East envoy by offering seats in the House of Lords to some of Palestine's most radical elements.