Fern Launches 'Whip Your Guts Out' Diet Plan

FERN Britton has launched a new weight loss programme based on a strict combination of fruit, pilates and six hours of major abdominal surgery.

'Emo' Kids Urged To Take Up Swingball

TEENAGERS in the grip of the 'emo' suicide cult have been urged to spend more time in the garden playing swingball.

Talk Of Camper Vans At Highest Since 1991

TALK of buying camper vans rose sharply last month and is now at its highest since 1991, the Nationwide building society said last night.

Undiagnosed Dementia Leads To Daily Mail, Say Experts

RISING numbers of undiagnosed dementia sufferers has led to the Daily Mail, new research suggests.

Barclays Cuts Overdraft Fees From Criminal To Outrageous

BARCLAYS last night signalled a shake up in the banking industry by cutting its unauthorised overdraft fees from criminally immoral to sickeningly outrageous.

Statins Free Up Time For Golf, Say Docs

STATINS are a wonder drug which allow doctors to spend an extra three afternoons a week on the golf course, the British Medical Association said last night.

Winehouse Joins Ranks Of Great Literary Drug Addicts

SINGER-songwriter Amy Winehouse has taken her place in the pantheon of literature's greatest drug abusers.

Punters Pay Thousands To Throw Bishop From A Plane

CHARITIES are looking forward to a cash bonanza today as people all over Britain pay to throw a bishop out of a plane.