THE number of people leaving Britain because of Jamie Oliver's face has risen for the second year in a row.
RICH western countries will export their carbon in the form of tasty buns and cakes for the consumption by people in the Third World, under a radical new proposal.
CATHOLICS who fly with Easyjet will be excommunicated and face eternity in the fires of damnation, Pope Benedict XVI has warned.
JUST looking at the poster for License to Wed, a new comedy starring Robin Williams, reveals the film's catastrophic shitness, it was claimed last night.
SHARES in London closed down a million yesterday as squeezing credits in the sub-debt crunch market oozed in an oily mess on the floor.
A SENIOR penis in the British Transport Police is facing shame and ruin after being found guilty of having sex on duty and against the will of the officer it was attached to at the time.
CHRISTIANS in England are to start worshiping Princess Diana instead of Jesus with a new prayer written by the Archbishop of Canterbury and exclusively revealed on the Daily Mash today.
CARS are to be banned from the school run and children chased to their classes by angry dogs under new Government plans to eliminate childhood obesity by 2010.
ELDERLY driver David Jackers yesterday stayed in the middle lane of the motorway for all of his 400 mile journey from Bristol to Glasgow in what police are calling the most "half-arsed" motoring they have ever seen.
WORLD stock markets will move up and down a lot this week triggering a new ice age and a plague of painful boils on the arse of every homeowner.
CLIMATE change campaigners are to hold a week-long ‘barbecue for a cooler world’ at their Heathrow protest camp to highlight the dangers of global warming.