News

Blair Tells Brown 'I'm Getting The Friends'

TONY Blair has announced the timetable for the run-up to the declaration of the date by which he will reveal the time of the announcement of the confirmation of his final split from his long-term companion Gordon Brown.

Prince Philip 'Delighted' With New Balls

PRINCE Philip has announced that he is 'absolutely thrilled' with his new set of balls.

Sarkozy Cuts Lunch Breaks To Eight Hours

FRENCH president-in-waiting Nicolas Sarkozy yesterday unveiled his radical plans for a social revolution in France including a cut in the lunch break from nine to eight hours. 

Scotland Marks Start Of National Drinking Season

NATIONAL Drinking Season kicked-off in spectacular fashion over the bank holiday weekend with more than 125,000 arrests and pandemonium across the country.

Moss Sells Rubbish To Punters

KATE Moss last night declared her garage sale a roaring success after thousands of punters flocked to buy the model’s unwanted clothes and bric-a-brac. 

Wonder Drug Boosts Desire For Sex And Chips

SCIENTISTS have discovered a wonder drug that increases women’s appetite for sexual intimacy and fast food.

The World's Most Eco-Friendly Shopping Bag: Are You Too Poor And Ghastly To Own One?

THOUSANDS of really ordinary people like you queued around the block last night to get their hands on the must-have fashion accessory of our time: the Anya Hindmarch designed Daily Mash eco-shopping bag.

Prince Harry To Be Sent To Ascot

ARMY chiefs are reviewing their decision to send Prince Harry to Iraq and are now expected to send the Royal soldier to Ascot instead.

'Eat Your Rubbish' Say Councils

SCOTTISH councils are planning to shift from weekly refuse collections to never because householders keep on filling their bins with dirty rubbish.

Record Companies Call For Ban On Whistling

THE world's leading record companies have joined forces to call for a ban on whistling, claiming it is an infringement of copyright.