News

Seven presents that say 'You're dumped'

CONCERNED about the health of your relationship? If you receive any of these lacklustre gifts you’ll be seeing 2021 in single.

Mum launches business inspired by wanting to get away from her children

A MOTHER-OF-TWO has started a business of her own inspired by her experiences of having children and needing a legitimate reason to spend time away from them.

Ways to make the most of the 43 minutes of daylight you're getting today

DO you wake up to clear blue winter skies only to find the sun’s gone by the time you’re dressed? Here’s how to make the most of your tiny slice of daylight.

Passive-aggressive email that took three hours to write gets cheerful two-word reply

A METICULOUSLY crafted and devastatingly detailed passive-aggressive office email has received a short, cheerful response.

How to have a self-righteous shit fit about Christmas being cancelled

CONFUSED that an alteration of Covid rules is the same as the government cancelling Christmas, like the Puritans?

Mutant Covid could protect us against evil Covid like the X-Men

SUPERHERO fans has theorised that the new mutant Covid could be protecting us even though hated and feared by humanity, like the X-Men.

Mum doing engineering degree to untwist toddler's seatbelt

A MUM is studying for a four-year engineering degree in the hope she will learn how to untwist her child’s car-seat straps.

How to start a new life after getting a bad haircut

HAS your hairdresser mutilated your coiffure beyond repair? Here’s how to burn down your life and start again.

Britain's Lush stores full of awkward boyfriends out of their depth

HORDES of bewildered boyfriends are milling around Lush desperately seeking Christmas gifts for their partners.

Do you have an irrational hatred of London?

LONDON entering tier 3 lockdown is great news if you’re nuturing a hatred of London and everyone in it. Are you one of those dicks?

Six signs everyone thinks you're a f**king terrible driver

DOES anyone getting into your car first ask questions about whether it has working airbags? Then you’re the kind of driver everyone hates being in a car with. These are the signs.

Cat fuming that his name was on family Christmas card

A FAMILY cat is livid that his name was added to all the Christmas cards sent by his household without his permission.