News

Five incredibly annoying names to call yourself if you're too hip for 'Godparent'

ARE you too cool to be a godparent, so are insisting on a special name for your role as an allegedly wise figure in some hapless child’s life?

Woman with shit together even has phone charger for car

A WOMAN who has got her shit together even has a dedicated phone charger in her car.

Nan afraid that news of Royal baby will get lost in all this Brexit nonsense

A GRANDMOTHER is concerned that all the Brexit nonsense constantly on the news might overshadow the birth of a new Royal baby.

The seven habits of high-as-f**k people

PEOPLE who are stoned out of their minds all the time don’t get that way by accident. They’ve shaped their own daily routines around ensuring they never have to confront cold, painful reality.

How to tell if someone is lying about London being a good place to live

DO you have a friend who claims to love living in London but who you suspect secretly hates it? Here’s how to see through their lies.

Twitter user responding to absolutely anything with a death threat

A MAN who has spent too much time on Twitter now believes it is normal to respond to any minor annoyance with calls for murder.

Naive idiot loads dishwasher just in time for wife to rearrange it

A MAN is in a state of confusion after loading the dishwasher only for his wife to take everything out and put it back in again.

The moron's guide to writing an Amazon review

DOES your useless new laptop from Amazon stop working when you use it in the bath? Here’s how to write a stupid and misleading Amazon review.

Kids' menu looking pretty f**king tempting in wanky gastropub

ADULTS have been enviously eyeing the straightforward and tasty children’s menu in a London gastropub, it has emerged.

Man on electric unicycle provides valuable insight into bellends of the future

A MAN on an electric unicycle has given the world a glimpse of the tiresome tossers they will have to deal with more regularly in the future.

How to tell a friend with a beard they look like the ultimate twat

IT’S not easy to break it to a friend that their new beard looks ridiculous. Here are some ways to do it.

How to waste your life making pointless YouTube videos

DO you feel an inexplicable need to start your own YouTube channel for your amateurish, unwatched videos? Why not try failing to attract an audience in these popular genres?