News

London Bomb 'Not Scary Enough', Brown Tells MI5

PRIME Minister Gordon Brown has dismissed the latest London bomb scare as "feeble" and "unlikely to frighten the public".

Queen Spending 'A Shitload' Of Money, According To New Report

SPENDING by the Royal Household has increased from a serious wedge to a shitload, according to official accounts.

Apple Forced To Recall iPhone After Toaster Fault

APPLE has been forced into an embarrassing recall of the entire first batch of its long awaited iPhone after users reported problems with its on-board toaster. 

Greedy Women To Sing Old Songs

THE Spice Girls are re-uniting to take their glittering “Avarice” show on tour citing a deep love of money as the driving force that brought them back together.

"This Time I Want My Own Drawer," Kate Tells Wills

KATE Middleton will rekindle her relationship with Prince William if she gets her own underpants drawer at Clarence House, the Daily Mash has learned.

Blair To Hand Over Soul At 3pm Today

TONY Blair will today bring to a close his ten-year term as Prime Minister by delivering his Soul to the Devil and all his minions.

Pete Doherty Accuses Bassey Of "Joint Bogarting"

DAME Shirley Bassey may have been a big hit with the Glastonbury crowd but she proved much less popular backstage after refusing to share her drugs with her fellow artistes, The Daily Mash can reveal.

Bush Gives Blair Lead Role In Jug Band

TONY Blair and George Bush are set to invade the music charts after forming a hillbilly jug band.

'Manhunt 2' Producers Launch Glastonbury Version

CENSORS have welcomed a new version of the controversial game Manhunt in which players rampage through Glastonbury wiping out solicitors pretending to be hippies for the weekend.

Free £5 Note For Every Reader*

THE Bank of England is to give a brand new £5 note to each reader of The Daily Mash as part of its drive to stem the growing shortage of fivers in circulation. 

Baggins Family Pans 'Lord Of The Rings' Musical

THE great nephew of Frodo Baggins has attacked the Lord of the Rings musical for 'playing fast and loose' with historical accuracy.