Fluorescent cat totally about medical research, say scientists

THE world’s first glow-in-the-dark cat was not the result of a kick-arse Moroccan bong, scientists have insisted.

Gets very hungry whenever it hears The Orb

The fluorescent animal was developed to totally detect human illnesses and was absolutely not about four zoologists doing DNA research while funked off their nips on bog weed.

Professor Wayne Hayes, head of zoology at the Institute for Studies, said: “We think, like, maybe the cat starts glowing more near a sick person or something? Or maybe it changes colour? I don’t really know.

“Basically, what happened was, we were sitting round our official research table when the cat jumped onto Dave’s lap.

“Dave was like, ‘fuck me, this thing is totally glowing’ and I was like ‘no it’s not, you fucking cheesehead’ and then I was like, ‘what would happen if we actually made it glow?’.”

Dr David Hobbs added: “I completely lost my shit at that point and went off to burn some toast. But while I was in the kitchen staring at the bread these equations started dancing before my eyes.

“Forty-eight hours later we had a bright green cat that can detect migraines.”

The glowing cat was developed as part of Project Keith, which has also produced a machine that tracks really amazing clouds and a robot that can be programmed to nip out to the shops for a can of coke.

The Institute now hopes to recoup some of the money by selling the cat to a Japanese television channel.

Professor Hayes admitted: “We were given a massive grant to look into genetics or something and that’s when it started to  spiral out of control.”