‘Group emails’ idea floated for £180 trillion

ENTREPRENEUR Roy Hobbs has made £180 trillion from the idea of sending group emails instead of using Facebook.

The future is people you actually know

The much-publicised search for the ‘new Facebook’ ended when 67-year-old Hobbs realised there was a gap in the market for a communication tool that doesn’t pester you to meet local singles, become an elf or buy an anti-bacterial floor cleaner.

Group emails visionary Hobbs said: “It’s just like social networking, but without the legions of strangers.

“The business model needs some work but everyone agrees that the most important thing initially is to get a massive, really cool office full of robots and 80s arcade machines.”

The group emails concept has caused a sensation in the online community.

Former Facebook user Nikki Hollis said: “I advertised my last birthday party on Facebook which meant dozens of threatening randoms arrived, shat in the sink and set fire to my garage. Group email gives me the control I need to swap frightening chaos for witty banter.”

Social media analyst Nathan Muir said: “We had thought people liked giving personal information to faceless companies who’d use it to sell things if their targeted advertising actually worked, while also being constantly harassed into adding pointless new apps and endlessly filtering anonymous ‘friend’ requests.

“But it appears this is not the case. Who knew?”

However, loyal Facebook users believe group emails are a passing fad.

Sales manager Wayne Hayes said: “Facebook makes me feel as though I’m publishing a magazine all about myself.

“Inputting all my personal details makes me feel important and loved. That marketing algorithm is my friend.”

Meanwhile shares in Facebook plummeted yesterday following the revelation that the company’s only assets are 5,678,501,870 Farmville animals.