Science & Technology
Man personally offended by friend’s small TV
A MAN is absolutely outraged at the pathetic size and technological backwardness of his friend’s television.
Toilet walls now allow 280 characters of scrawl
ANGRY people who scrawl offensive filth on the walls of public toilets can now make their messages twice as long.
iPhone X too good for this world
THE iPhone X shatters on contact with any solid object because it is too good for our material plane, Apple has explained.
Mother unveils breakthrough discovery about 33-year-old daughter's face
A MOTHER has announced the discovery of age-related imperfections on her 33-year-old daughter’s face.
Friend sends urgent 3.30am text about maybe having a midweek pint
A MAN has been woken in the middle of the night by a friend’s urgent text about maybe having a pint.
Arctic parka faces tough test of Morrisons car park
A NORTH Face coat designed for the most extreme weather conditions on Earth has resigned itself to being used as a fancy duvet on the high street.
Obscure planet asks David Attenborough to do its documentary
A LITTLE-KNOWN planet has approached David Attenborough to make a documentary about it.
Going home much better than going big
GOING home is considerably better than going big, experts have confirmed.
BMW driver trying to overtake supersonic car
THE Bloodhound rocket car capable of reaching 1,000mph is being tailgated by a man in a BMW 7 series, observers have confirmed.
Scientists confirm four pints is best amount of beer
FOUR pints is the best amount of beer to drink, experts have confirmed.
Everyone who reviewed product online was talking bollocks
NONE of the 37 people who reviewed a laptop online had the first idea what they were talking about, a man has discovered.
Children 'cancel out' effects of alcohol
BEING around children makes you feel less drunk, it has been confirmed.