Science & Technology
iPhone X hailed as huge step forward in pointless things to dick about with
APPLE’S new iPhone X has been hailed as a revolution in dicking about.
Public water supply may contain dangerously tiny levels of homeopathic medicine, say experts
BRITISH tap water may contain homeopathic medicines in dangerously minuscule concentrations, experts have warned.
Electric car owner excited to spend quality time in tow truck
THE owner of a new electric car is excited about being towed everywhere.
Robot definitely going to kill all humans once it gets the hang of stairs
A ROBOT has confirmed plans to destroy humanity once it can walk up stairs without falling over.
Hawking discovers new super-dense black hole
PROFESSOR Stephen Hawking has discovered the densest thing in the known universe.
So-called 'child genius' doesn't even know what 'chinny reckon' means
A CHILD that is meant to be clever has no idea about the basics of the playground English, it has emerged.
DVD still not working despite being wiped on man's trouser leg
A DVD is still not working despite the owner wiping it on his jeans before putting it back into the machine.
‘Sharting’ to be renamed ‘Faraging’
'SHARTING' is to be renamed 'Faraging' in honour of the former UKIP leader, it has been confirmed.
Amber Rudd types with one finger and uses Myspace
HOME secretary Amber Rudd does all her typing with one finger and has a Myspace account, it has emerged.
Totally inept losers confident they can lock down the internet
A GOVERNMENT that can barely send an email has unveiled plans to rule the web with an iron fist.
Woman rearranges dishwasher for three hours to avoid washing a mug
A WOMAN spent three hours rearranging the crockery in her dishwasher in a desperate attempt to fit in one more mug.
Cocaine to help tackle excessive niceness
COCAINE is being hailed as a wonder drug that can help people who are too nice for their own good.