Science & Technology

MacBook security flaw threatens millions of bullshit creative projects

MILLIONS of half-completed screenplays, novels and travel memoirs could be destroyed if MacBooks are attacked, experts have warned.

Britain First's space division tells alien rock to go back to its own bloody solar system

THE space department of Britain First has told the alien rock known as Oumuamua to go back to its own bloody solar system.

People with lots of social media 'likes' really are much better than everyone else, confirm experts

PEOPLE who receive high numbers of likes on social media are provably better than those who do not, a study has confirmed.

92 per cent of English people think all Scottish people know each other

ALL Scottish people are either related or went to school together, according to the vast majority of English people.

People discovered who drink wine for its flavour

THERE are people who enjoy wine as something other than a means of getting wasted, it has been claimed.

Best way to fend off shark is to let it swallow you then punch your way out

THE best way to fend off a shark attack is from within the shark, it has been claimed.

Cool 'life hackers' actually just tight sods

SO-CALLED ‘life hacks’ are really just pointless tips for dull misers, it has emerged.

Britain's mind blown by sunny-but-cold paradox

BRITONS are struggling to comprehend how it can be sunny but freezing f**king cold. 

Man personally offended by friend’s small TV

A MAN is absolutely outraged at the pathetic size and technological backwardness of his friend’s television.

Toilet walls now allow 280 characters of scrawl

ANGRY people who scrawl offensive filth on the walls of public toilets can now make their messages twice as long.

iPhone X too good for this world

THE iPhone X shatters on contact with any solid object because it is too good for our material plane, Apple has explained.

Mother unveils breakthrough discovery about 33-year-old daughter's face

A MOTHER has announced the discovery of age-related imperfections on her 33-year-old daughter’s face.