Science & Technology

Sir Tim Berners-Lee apologises for inventing the internet

THE inventor of the internet has apologised because it is such a load of bollocks.

Scientists confirm we are all living in Ed Sheeran's dream

OUR reality is just a dream in the mind of sleeping Ed Sheeran, it has been confirmed.

Nobody believes woman is time traveller from an hour ago

A WOMAN who has time-travelled by an hour is struggling to convince colleagues that she is from the past.

Dad wishes daughter happy birthday via LinkedIn

A FATHER who cannot tell the difference between LinkedIn and Facebook has sent his daughter a touching birthday message she will never read.

Dyson invents poncey new wheel

JAMES Dyson has reinvented the wheel to make it incredibly expensive with lots of unnecessary features.

Best technological advance of last 40 years was Ice Magic

THE technological advance of the last four decades that has done most to change ordinary lives was Ice Magic, Britons have agreed.

Woman postpones software update for 500th day in a row

A WOMAN has clicked ’not now’ on her automatic software update for the 500th consecutive day.

New app alerts users when their ex is nearby

AN APP that alerts users when their ex is nearby has received glowing reviews.

Scientists baffled by lifelong smoker who still can't make decent rollie

SCIENTISTS are baffled by a man who has been smoking for over 40 years but still can't make a roll-up that doesn't look like a dog's hind leg.

Corbyn not governed by physical laws of our universe, supporters tell Hawking

THE political wizardry of Jeremy Corbyn is beyond the understanding of a mere genius physicist, his supporters have told Stephen Hawking.

Number of Mini Eggs in bag always one less than you could possibly imagine

THERE are always fewer Mini Eggs in a bag than even the lowest estimate, mathematicians have confirmed.

Woman loves Amazon Echo thing more than she loves boyfriend

A woman has developed feelings for a device that is more attentive and useful than her boyfriend, it has emerged.