Science & Technology

Private electricity makes your telly work better, claim Tories

THE Conservatives have claimed that without private electricity, Britain’s flatscreen televisions would still be showing the test card.

Missing sock mysteriously returns after three-year absence

A SOCK, missing for three years, has unaccountably returned to the wardrobe from which it vanished.

Every Whatsapp group contains someone desperate to escape it

EVERY Whatsapp group chat contains at least one person who dreams of escaping it, researchers have found.

New app shows Londoners what it would be like to own a house

A NEW smartphone app simulating the experience of home ownership in London is wildly popular among young people.

UK could have driverless government by 2020, say experts

TECH experts have confirmed that the UK could have a driverless government as soon as 2020.

Mathematical equations still best way to sell shampoo

COMPLICATED mathematical equations requiring viewers to work out how many people equal 78 per cent of 237 remain the best way to sell shampoo, say experts.

Sir Tim Berners-Lee apologises for inventing the internet

THE inventor of the internet has apologised because it is such a load of bollocks.

Scientists confirm we are all living in Ed Sheeran's dream

OUR reality is just a dream in the mind of sleeping Ed Sheeran, it has been confirmed.

Nobody believes woman is time traveller from an hour ago

A WOMAN who has time-travelled by an hour is struggling to convince colleagues that she is from the past.

Dad wishes daughter happy birthday via LinkedIn

A FATHER who cannot tell the difference between LinkedIn and Facebook has sent his daughter a touching birthday message she will never read.

Dyson invents poncey new wheel

JAMES Dyson has reinvented the wheel to make it incredibly expensive with lots of unnecessary features.

Best technological advance of last 40 years was Ice Magic

THE technological advance of the last four decades that has done most to change ordinary lives was Ice Magic, Britons have agreed.