Science & Technology

Crowdfund started to have Nigel Farage fired into the sun

OVER £100,000 has already been raised to strap Nigel Farage to a rocket bound for the centre of the sun.

Streaming explained to relatives for ninth time

A MAN has tried to explain the concept of streaming music and TV over the internet to his relatives nine times so far this Christmas.

Attenborough to make new planet

DAVID Attenborough has documented all aspects of our planet and is building a new one, it has been confirmed.

Sausages 'kick the shit' out of burgers

SAUSAGES are far better than burgers, experts have confirmed.

20 percent of all children are Mick Jagger's

MICK Jagger is responsible for 20 percent of all human births, say researchers.

Colleague insists on using bollocks file-sharing thing

A WORKER is insisting his colleagues use some annoying file-sharing app he has found, it has emerged.

'Alt-right' keyboard shortcut makes burning cross appear

PRESSING ‘alt-right’ on a computer keyboard makes a picture of a burning cross appear, it has emerged.

Pub garden heater only works if you are basically touching it

A PUB’S outdoor heater is only effective if you are standing within a half of centimetre of it, it has emerged.

Scientists believe reality is a dream in racist nan’s mind

OUR reality is just a dream in the mind of a nan who doesn’t like foreigners, it has been claimed.

Normal moon ‘shit’

THE public has hit out at the normal moon for its lack of effort after being wowed by the 'supermoon'.

Chips ‘do not need to be cooked three times’

ONCE-COOKED chips are perfectly fine, it has been confirmed.

Patchy Skype call becomes blame game over who has shittest internet

A SKYPE chat became a bitter argument over whose shit internet connection kept making it break.