Science & Technology

Corbyn not governed by physical laws of our universe, supporters tell Hawking

THE political wizardry of Jeremy Corbyn is beyond the understanding of a mere genius physicist, his supporters have told Stephen Hawking.

Number of Mini Eggs in bag always one less than you could possibly imagine

THERE are always fewer Mini Eggs in a bag than even the lowest estimate, mathematicians have confirmed.

Woman loves Amazon Echo thing more than she loves boyfriend

A woman has developed feelings for a device that is more attentive and useful than her boyfriend, it has emerged.

Light sleepers told to grow the f**k up

DELICATE little flowers who claim they are woken by the slightest thing have been instructed to get over themselves.

Middle classes using yoghurt as a condiment

MIDDLE class people are using yoghurt as a type of sauce, it has emerged.

'BT Wi-Fi with Fon' told to f**k off and die

THE stupidly-named BT wi-fi thing that overrides your internet connection should burn in hell, it has been confirmed.

Scientists developing twat-free bikes

RIDERLESS bicycles free of dangerous knobheads in lycra will soon be a reality, scientists believe.

So-called 'smartphone' not smart enough to avoid being dropped in the bog

A TOP-OF-THE-RANGE smartphone was not smart enough to avoid being dropped in a nightclub toilet.

Synthetic DNA 'could create Brexiter who is not a bellend'

SCIENTISTS have created synthetic DNA that could lead to new life forms, including a Brexit supporter who is not an infuriating git.

Fog confirmed as most pointless weather type

FOG has been confirmed as the most pointless weather thing.

Middle aged man takes to Facebook like a duck to the M25

A MIDDLE aged man has taken to Facebook like a duck trying to waddle across the M25 during rush hour.

Leaving EU 'will give UK citizens powers of super-strength and invisibility'

LEAVING the EU will give all Britons the power to turn invisible and the strength to lift a car with one hand, according to a government report.