Science & Technology
A CHILD that is meant to be clever has no idea about the basics of the playground English, it has emerged.
A DVD is still not working despite the owner wiping it on his jeans before putting it back into the machine.
'SHARTING' is to be renamed 'Faraging' in honour of the former UKIP leader, it has been confirmed.
HOME secretary Amber Rudd does all her typing with one finger and has a Myspace account, it has emerged.
A GOVERNMENT that can barely send an email has unveiled plans to rule the web with an iron fist.
A WOMAN spent three hours rearranging the crockery in her dishwasher in a desperate attempt to fit in one more mug.
COCAINE is being hailed as a wonder drug that can help people who are too nice for their own good.
MIDDLE class men have decided that when sex robots become widely available they will buy theirs from John Lewis.
AN AVERAGE person aged between 25 and 45 has spent a full decade reading the opinions of complete idiots on the internet, researchers have found.
TEA made by homeopaths does not actually contain any active tea ingredients, a study has shown.
THE new HS2 route will pass directly through a Doncaster man’s living room, between the TV and the sofa, every 30 minutes.
CONTACTLESS payment is Lucifer's dark magic, the people of the North have declared.