Science & Technology

Normal moon ‘shit’

THE public has hit out at the normal moon for its lack of effort after being wowed by the 'supermoon'.

Chips ‘do not need to be cooked three times’

ONCE-COOKED chips are perfectly fine, it has been confirmed.

Patchy Skype call becomes blame game over who has shittest internet

A SKYPE chat became a bitter argument over whose shit internet connection kept making it break.

Samsung phone owners experiencing closest thing they will ever get to excitement

THE reliable, boring people who own Samsung phones are experiencing their most nearly-exciting day ever.

Man always knew exploding phone would be the way he’d go

THE unrepentant owner of a Samsung Galaxy Note 7 has said he has lived by the phone and so is not afraid to die by it.

Electrician in awe of last electrician’s work

AN electrician has confessed to being absolutely awestruck by the previous electrician’s flawless installation of a bathroom extractor fan.

Nobel prize winners begin ordeal of trying to explain their work to morons

THE winners of the Nobel Prize in Physics have begun a lifetime of trying to explain their work to idiots.

Cat’s psychic abilities overrated

A CAT’S ability to ‘sense’ complex emotions has been hugely overrated, it has emerged.

Old version of Facebook was 'like using a ZX Spectrum'

THE old version of Facebook was like something you might have played on a ZX Spectrum computer, it has been claimed.

All-day drinking proved to be impossible

THERE is no such thing as all-day drinking, it has emerged.

Windows 10 condemned by Amnesty International

WINDOWS 10 has been condemned by Amnesty International as cruel and inhumane.

Nobody sure why status updates shouting at them

NO-ONE is sure why status updates on Facebook are now shouting at them.