Science & Technology

Tim Peake bored out of his skull

SPACE is so incredibly boring, Tim Peake has confirmed.

Man searching for emoji to convey existential despair

A MAN is having problems expressing his sense that life is an empty shout in a meaningless, howling void using only emojis.

Smart car driver overcompensating for his massive penis

THE owner of a Smart car has admitted that the car he drives is overcompensation for his prodigious penis.

Man teaching his new phone how to swear

A MAN is teaching his new iPhone an extensive vocabulary of swear words.

New iPhone is shy and hides from you

THE NEW, tiny iPhone is naturally shy and avoids any contact with its owner, Apple has revealed.

Human beats highly advanced computer at drinking

A MAN has beaten a sophisticated artificial intelligence machine at drinking beer.

32-year-old admits she doesn't understand GIFs

A 32-YEAR-OLD woman has confessed to close friends that she is completely GIF-illiterate.

Tide finally begins to turn against avocados

NEW scientific research has threatened to bring a halt to the avocado juggernaut.

'Snooper's Charter' gives government powers everyone thought it already had

THE new draft of the 'Snooper's Charter' will allow police to see all the internet data you assumed they could see already, it has emerged.

‘So-called experts’ actually experts

PEOPLE who decided to ignore 'the so-called experts’ have conceded that they did in fact have useful knowledge.

Tangled cables told to f*ck off

THESE tangled cables need to go f*ck themselves, it has been confirmed.

Man experimenting with antisocial ways of parking his car

A MAN is trying different ways of parking his car to find the ones that cause maximum annoyance.