Science & Technology

Man oblivious to catastrophic events of 2016 because he has massive headphones

A MAN has remained unconcerned throughout Brexit, the collapse of the Labour party, and a wave of celebrity deaths because he is wearing enormous headphones.

Woman’s biological Facebook clock is ticking

WOMEN over 30 are increasingly aware their biological Facebook clock is ticking so they best get married and have kids while it is fashionable.

Wearable tech allowing man to pretend he’s not showing off

A MAN whose GPS sports watch automatically uploads his run times to Facebook has claimed he didn’t know it was happening.

'Did you see me in space?' asks Tim Peake

BRITISH astronaut Tim Peake is excitably asking if everyone saw him when he was in space because that is where he was.

Book about intelligence only bought by stupid people

A POP psychology book claiming to explain intelligence has not been bought by anyone intelligent, it has emerged.

Human-pig hybrids ‘could find themselves delicious’

COMBINING human and pig DNA could create a species that wants to turn itself into sandwiches, scientists have warned.

Highlighting every word of textbook still most effective form of revision

EXPERTS have confirmed that taking a highlighter to 150 straight pages of a textbook is guaranteed to make you pass your exams.

Boat just so pissed off

A POLAR research vessel has admitted it is both disappointed and angry to not be called Boaty McBoatface. 

Rural families don’t want internet, electricity, water or roads, says government

THE government has decided that rural homes do not want broadband internet, electricity, water, sewerage or use of the road network.

Being ginger too high a price to pay for immortality

THE discovery that the ginger gene contains the secret of youthful looks has united the world in rejection of this Faustian bargain.

Millions of people dropping phones on their face each morning

BRITAIN is facing an epidemic of people hitting themselves in the face with their phones while lying in bed each morning.

Tim Peake bored out of his skull

SPACE is so incredibly boring, Tim Peake has confirmed.