Science & Technology

Nobel prize winners begin ordeal of trying to explain their work to morons

THE winners of the Nobel Prize in Physics have begun a lifetime of trying to explain their work to idiots.

Cat’s psychic abilities overrated

A CAT’S ability to ‘sense’ complex emotions has been hugely overrated, it has emerged.

Old version of Facebook was 'like using a ZX Spectrum'

THE old version of Facebook was like something you might have played on a ZX Spectrum computer, it has been claimed.

All-day drinking proved to be impossible

THERE is no such thing as all-day drinking, it has emerged.

Windows 10 condemned by Amnesty International

WINDOWS 10 has been condemned by Amnesty International as cruel and inhumane.

Nobody sure why status updates shouting at them

NO-ONE is sure why status updates on Facebook are now shouting at them.

Grandma watches looping video on Mail Online for seven hours

A GRANDMOTHER has been watching a 16-second video loop on the front page of Mail Online for almost seven hours, her family has discovered.

AirPod headphones are supposed to be inserted anally, confirms Apple

AIRPOD ‘headphones’ are designed to be worn inside the rectum, Apple has confirmed.

Black pudding and haggis hybrid escapes from high security butchers

A THING that is both black pudding and haggis has escaped from a high security butcher’s shop.

Owner of outdated iPhone already in physical pain

AN owner of last year's iPhone is already feeling shame, humiliation and actual physical pain every time he attempts to use it. 

BBC closes loophole for whiny freeloaders

PEOPLE with an absurd sense of entitlement will no longer be able to watch BBC iPlayer for free, the broadcaster has confirmed.

People whose names begin with 'A' get pocket-called fifty times per day

PEOPLE whose names begin with an A get pocket-called upwards of fifty times a day, it has emerged.