Science & Technology

Hancock admits track and trace app was developed for Nokia 3310

THE health secretary has admitted that the government’s 'world beating' track and trace app failed because it was developed for a 20-year-old phone.

'If you haven't experienced it, it may still exist', experts warn

EXPERTS have confirmed that it is possible that even if an issue has not directly impacted your life, it may still be real.

Who are you f**king furious at online today?

BRITAIN could have spent 12 weeks of lockdown learning the piano, reading Ulysses or helping others, but instead we’re being bloody angry online. Who’s getting it today? 

Coronavirus 'still not as stressful as explaining Windows 10 upgrade to your parents'

A MAN has found that supporting his parents during coronavirus is nothing compared to the trauma of helping them install Windows 10.

Science is bollocks, confirms Johnson

THE prime minister has announced that science is a load of bollocks only metropolitan liberal elitists believe in. 

The science behind easing lockdown explained, by a doctor out of his mind on ketamine

WHY is the government is taking actions for pandemic level one while we’re at level four but pretending it’s level three? Let me explain while soaring on ket.

Man discovered alive after five years off social media

A MAN presumed to be dead after losing interest in social media in 2015 has been discovered alive and well and living in Colchester.

What pointless shit are you watching on TikTok?

TIKTOK is the surprise internet hit of coronavirus as people attempt to fill the endless empty hours of lockdown. Here are some great videos if your attention span is f**ked. 

87 per cent of pious twats who'd ostentatiously left social media come crawling back

ALMOST nine in ten of the smug arseholes who flounced off social media years ago have come shamefacedly back, it has emerged.

Five stupid lists to share on social media if you're bored shitless

YOU’VE done your favourite albums, films and TV shows. But there are still months of lockdown to fill, so what other moronic lists can you and your Facebook mates share?

Hen do so much f**king better via Zoom

A VIRTUAL hen party was so much more enjoyable than the real thing that it was actually enjoyable, attendees have confirmed.

Woman who hasn't showered for a week disinfecting her phone

A WOMAN who last showered a week ago is carefully disinfecting her iPhone, she has confirmed.