Science & Technology

People who hate massive TVs love them in other people's houses

ANYONE claiming to look down on enormous flatscreen televisions cannot get enough of them when they visit friends’ houses, their friends have confirmed.

Woman who said email went into her spam folder full of sh*t

A WOMAN who claims she did not reply to an email because it went into her spam folder is talking sh*t.

Woman will follow Google Maps into the sea if she has to

A WOMAN following her phone’s satellite navigation has total faith in it regardless of evidence, she has confirmed.

Next iPhone to feature shatterproof glass, decent battery and haha of course it won't

APPLE have announced that the next iPhone will feature multiple actual improvements, before clarifying that they are of course joking.

Apple designer Jony Ive admits he can only draw oblongs

APPLE design guru Sir Jonathan Ive has admitted his iconic designs are based on his inability to draw anything except oblongs.

Kid late for school because mum was d*cking about on Facebook again

A FIVE-year-old boy was 30 minutes late for school because his mum was messing about on Facebook and lost track of time.

'Close doors' button on lift does f*ck all, admits engineer

A LIFT engineer has confirmed that the ‘close doors’ button does absolutely f*ck all.  

Man who used washing up liquid in dishwasher honestly thinks he can live by himself

A 36 YEAR-old man who used a generous dose of washing up liquid in his dishwasher has vowed to carry on looking after himself.

Britain wonders if any television will ever be big enough

BRITONS have realised that there is no theoretical limit to the size of the television they would buy.

Bored man wondering if you can put soup in a Soda Stream

A MAN is wondering how far he can take his home carbonating device while hefting a tin of Big Soup questioningly in one hand.

How middle-class is your internet history?

YOUR internet history is an open secret to your boss and your partner so it needs to reflect your values and aspirations. But is it middle-class enough?

Death of iTunes 'like Berlin Wall coming down'

CELEBRATIONS are continuing worldwide after the victory the world feared it would never see: the day iTunes was finally defeated.