Science & Technology

Kids unable to play without doing weird American accent

CHILDREN adopt annoying American accents when playing and nobody really knows why, it has emerged.

Flat-earther confounded by shape of all the other planets

A MAN who believes that the earth is flat has been confounded by the shape of every single other planet.

Man complaining about airport queues just watched 'Jurassic World' 35,000 feet above an ocean

A MAN bitterly complaining about lengthy airport queues has just been safely transported across 3470 miles of ocean, in seven hours whilst watching Jurassic World and eating a curry.

Woman has valid reason for not closing each of her 47 open tabs

A WOMAN has a legitimate reason for each of the 47 tabs on her computer being open.

Life on Mars 'will be shite', say scientists

SCIENTISTS have finally confirmed that life on Mars will be crappy little bacteria with no ray guns.  

Homeworker wakes up two hours early to switch on bastard laptop

A HOMEWORKER is to get up at 6am to switch on her fucking laptop so it will be ready to use by about half-eight.

Facebook Memories there to remind you what a twat you used to be

FACEBOOK’S ‘on this day’ feature exists solely to remind you that you used to be an embarrassing arse, it has been confirmed.

We never had all these iPhones in my day, says man glued to his f**king iPhone

A MIDDLE-AGED man has taken time out from glancing constantly at his phone to complain about the younger generation being fixated with theirs.

Kids deliberately hold in piss until least convenient time

CHILDREN deliberately hold in all their piss until they are in a restaurant, car or swimming pool, it has been confirmed.

There is no non-wanky way to sign off an email, study finds

THERE is no way to end an email that does not make you sound like a bit of a twat, it has been confirmed.

Which dreadful clickbait are you falling for?

CLICKBAIT is incredibly hard to resist due to its clever psychological trickery and you being a gullible twat. Here’s our guide so you don’t have to click on it.

Pub fruit machine dreamt of being vending machine in leisure centre

A FRUIT machine in a Hull pub never wanted to end up like this, it has admitted.