Science & Technology

Teenage Boys Younger Versions Of Men, Say Experts

TEENAGE boys are nothing more than younger versions of men, new research suggests. 

Men Incredibly Easy To Predict, Say Experts

MEN'S reactions to anything involving women are astonishingly easy to predict, new research suggests.

A Time Machine Would Have Been Cheaper, Say Experts

BUILDING a time machine to take us back 18 months would have been cheaper than the multi-billion pound bank bail out, it was claimed last night.

Bebo Assumes Aliens Are As Shallow And Self-Absorbed As Humans

BEBO is sending messages from its users 120 trillion miles into space in the expectation aliens will prove as shallow and self-obsessed as they are.

Internet Inventor Misses Point Of Internet

THE inventor of the internet last night dramatically revealed he had completely missed the point of the internet.

Taxi Driver Brains Have Inbuilt Capacity To Bore You Shitless

THE brains of taxi drivers have an inbuilt natural ability to bore the shit out of you, according to new research. 

Carnage as Facebook moves everything slightly to the left

HOSPITALS were struggling to cope last night as rival Facebook gangs fought running battles across a dozen British towns and cities.

Fatboy Slim Looks Nothing Like Johnny Ball

SUPERSTAR DJ Fatboy slim bears no resemblance whatsoever to his father-in-law, it was confirmed last night.

Grammar pedants fewer interesting

GRAMMAR enthusiasts which point out everyday errors are much fewer interesting compared than normal people, according to researchers.

I'm Sorry Dave, I'm Afraid I Can't Do That, Says International Space Station

THE International Space Station has gone crazy and all the astronauts are in mortal danger, NASA confirmed last night.

Giant Pineapple Is Trying To Kill Me, Reveals Charles

PRINCE Charles has demanded a ban on genetically modified crops after the latest attempt on his life by an enormous piece of fruit.

Early Roman Computer Used To Express Worthless Classical Opinions

A 2,000-year-old computer found in a Roman shipwreck was mainly used for asserting worthless classical opinions, scientists have learned.