Science & Technology

F22 Raptor Also A Camera

THE new F22 Raptor stealth fighter can now store up to 25,000 songs and features a class leading 6.2 megapixel camera, built-in. 

Switzerland To Be Devoured By Black Hole

PEOPLE worried that the world’s biggest physics experiment could destroy the earth were last night reassured that only Switzerland will be obliterated. 

Apple To Fool Public For 207th Time

APPLE boss Steve Jobs last night unveiled the new iPhone, insisting there was 'no way' he would launch a better and cheaper version in three months time.

Mars Probe Urges Brown To Quit

NASA's latest Martian probe last night landed safely on the red planet and issued an immediate call for Gordon Brown to resign.

Giant Laser Used To Draw Cock On The Moon

SCIENTISTS who invented the world's most powerful laser have used it to draw a giant penis on the front of the moon. 

Darth Vader Is A Baptist, Says Vatican

THE Vatican has admitted intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe but that much of it is under the control of protestant denominations.

Society Of The Future May Be Forced To Eat Food

THE people of the future may be forced to eat real food instead of pills, scientists have claimed.

Go And Tidy Your Room, Say Scientists

STOP that right now and go and tidy your room this instant, leading scientists said last night.