Science & Technology

Facebook Memories there to remind you what a twat you used to be

FACEBOOK’S ‘on this day’ feature exists solely to remind you that you used to be an embarrassing arse, it has been confirmed.

We never had all these iPhones in my day, says man glued to his f**king iPhone

A MIDDLE-AGED man has taken time out from glancing constantly at his phone to complain about the younger generation being fixated with theirs.

Kids deliberately hold in piss until least convenient time

CHILDREN deliberately hold in all their piss until they are in a restaurant, car or swimming pool, it has been confirmed.

There is no non-wanky way to sign off an email, study finds

THERE is no way to end an email that does not make you sound like a bit of a twat, it has been confirmed.

Which dreadful clickbait are you falling for?

CLICKBAIT is incredibly hard to resist due to its clever psychological trickery and you being a gullible twat. Here’s our guide so you don’t have to click on it.

Pub fruit machine dreamt of being vending machine in leisure centre

A FRUIT machine in a Hull pub never wanted to end up like this, it has admitted.

Mum considering ripping ears off to avoid hearing more about f**king Minecraft

A MUM whose son won’t shut the fuck up about Minecraft is considering ripping her own ears off to make it stop.

The elderly parents' guide to computers

ARE you quite old and find computers baffling and terrifying? Don’t worry - our guide will tell you everything you need to know.

Smashed phone screens join official list of things that are cool

ROCKING a phone with a cobweb-smashed touchscreen is officially cool, according to experts.

GDPR emails told to chill the f**k out

DESPERATE GDPR emails telling people ‘their time is up’ and ‘they must take action now’ have been told to calm the fuck down.

Staring into empty fridge does not make food appear, scientists confirm

YOU cannot restock a fridge by staring blankly into it for several minutes, it has been confirmed.

Mum sending message via WhatsApp, Viber, Facebook, text and email perfectly aware they all go to same device

A MUM sending the same message via five different platforms is perfectly aware that they all goes to her daughter’s one phone, she has confirmed.