Science & Technology

Vatican To Build Huge Telescope In Hunt For Jesus

THE Pope has commissioned a $1bn super-telescope as the Vatican steps up its hunt for Jesus.

Children Told To Sit Down And Shut The Fuck Up For 18 Years

CHILDREN should just shut it and do as they are told for once in their fucking lives, according to the results of a major academic study.

Nuclear Waste Makes Lovely Jam Says Government

WASTE from nuclear power is very tasty, spreads easily and makes a lovely jam for your toast in the morning, the Government said last night.

Google Phone Will Put Porn In Your Pocket

GOOGLE has confirmed plans to launch its own-brand mobile phone saying the new portable online device will, for the first time, put "porn in the palm of everyone’s hand". 

Superman Suit Will Enable Wearer To See Women's Undies

SCIENTISTS could one day develop a 'Superman' suit that will give the wearer x-ray vision, allowing him to look at women's underwear through their clothes.

Jam, The Fuel Of Tomorrow, Say Lib Dems

THE Liberal Democrats have unveiled radical plans to reduce Britain's carbon emissions, including a new generation of cars that unleash the remarkable power of jam.

Scientists Lose Giant Nothingness

SCIENTISTS who discovered a giant nothingness in the heart of the universe last night said they had lost it again after it “just vanished into thin air”.

Amazing! Now Google Can See Inside Your Insides

THE contents of every stomach on the planet can now be viewed over the internet from your home computer after the launch of the latest add-on to Google Earth – Google Gut.