Science & Technology

Are you reading for pleasure or is your phone dead?

ARE YOU reading because you enjoy the complex interplay of stimulating thoughts that a good book offers, or has your phone battery died?

Kids talk bollocks

ALMOST 99 per cent of what children say is complete and utter bollocks, it has emerged.

Phones basically all the same these days, admits Apple

APPLE has launched three new smartphones with the message that they are pretty similar to all the other ones.

Mum adding insanely long and specific hashtags to every photo

A MOTHER is adding incredibly long and specific hashtags to every photo she posts in the belief it will make them more shareable, she has confirmed.

Virtual reality game lets player sit peacefully in the pub on their own

A NEW VR game gives players a simulated experience of being in a nice pub alone, enjoying a pint and not being bothered by anyone.

Which WhatsApp group is ruining your life?

WHICH WhatsApp group is taking up all your time and sapping your will to live?

Kids unable to play without doing weird American accent

CHILDREN adopt annoying American accents when playing and nobody really knows why, it has emerged.

Flat-earther confounded by shape of all the other planets

A MAN who believes that the earth is flat has been confounded by the shape of every single other planet.

Man complaining about airport queues just watched 'Jurassic World' 35,000 feet above an ocean

A MAN bitterly complaining about lengthy airport queues has just been safely transported across 3470 miles of ocean, in seven hours whilst watching Jurassic World and eating a curry.

Woman has valid reason for not closing each of her 47 open tabs

A WOMAN has a legitimate reason for each of the 47 tabs on her computer being open.

Life on Mars 'will be shite', say scientists

SCIENTISTS have finally confirmed that life on Mars will be crappy little bacteria with no ray guns.  

Homeworker wakes up two hours early to switch on bastard laptop

A HOMEWORKER is to get up at 6am to switch on her fucking laptop so it will be ready to use by about half-eight.