Science & Technology

Man realises all the women in his life would have been condemned as witches 500 years ago

A MAN has realised the women in his life would once have been considered witches due to their belief in herbs, the power of cats and having a ‘sixth sense’ about things.

Rudd can’t understand why internet won’t do as it’s told

THE home secretary has admitted she cannot see why the man who runs the internet will not just delete all the bits she finds offensive.

I still buy DVDs, says idiot caveman

A HALF-WITTED Neanderthal who still somehow walks among us has been exposed by admitting that when he wants to see a film, he buys it on DVD.

100 per cent of supermarket chicken looks terrifying

ALL chicken sold in supermarkets looks monstrous and evil, it has emerged.

New survey confirms existence of sex

SEX, it has been confirmed.

People doing PhDs admit it's just an excuse to fanny about

PHD STUDENTS have admitted it is just an excuse to spend another three years arsing about.

Grandma turns pantry into pimped-out Nan Cave

A GRANDMOTHER has 'pimped out' her kitchen pantry to make it into a full-on Nan Cave all the other pensioners in the crescent are jealous of.

Printer not doing anything until you apologise

YOUR printer is not doing one single thing unless it gets a full apology for the way it has been treated.

Apple software update makes emails say 'Sent from my outdated iPhone'

ALL messages sent from your iPhone will say ‘Sent from my outdated previous generation iPhone’ unless sent from the iPhone X.

iPhone X hailed as huge step forward in pointless things to dick about with

APPLE’S new iPhone X has been hailed as a revolution in dicking about.

Public water supply may contain dangerously tiny levels of homeopathic medicine, say experts

BRITISH tap water may contain homeopathic medicines in dangerously minuscule concentrations, experts have warned.