People who post ‘going’ on Facebook events then don’t to face prison

PEOPLE who claim they are going to Facebook events then do not are scum who should face stiff penalties, it has been decided.

After millions of non-attendances, event organisers have decided tough action is needed against people who leave birthday parties and gigs embarrassingly poorly attended.

Facebook user Martin Bishop said: “Bastards who don’t show up are causing birthday parties to forfeit an entire first floor reservation in favour of a single table by the toilets.

“I myself have attended events where none of my proper friends turned up and I had to make painful small talk with strangers or stand on my own for long periods like a pathetic loser.

“This is just the tip of the iceberg. We need to come down hard on these fake going-ers. A modest prison sentence – say, three years – should definitely improve attendances.

“And after being stuck in a cell for 23 hours a day they’ll be gagging to go to even the shittest school reunion or local music festival.”

Frequent non-attender Nathan Muir said: “It’s weird. I hit the ‘going’ button, but when the time comes I just can’t be arsed. However I’m there in spirit, by which I mean ‘on the sofa’.”