Son close to murdering mum and dad with six remotes and no idea what they do

A MAN who sees his parents trying to turn on the TV using every remote control in the house is having thoughts of killing them with his bare hands.

Mary Fisher and her husband Peter keep their remotes neatly lined up on the coffee table, but are so clueless about them they may as well be pointing a sausage at the TV.

Son Martin said: “They only need to switch on the telly and the Freeview box, but they approach it with the same fear and confusion as if they’d been asked to split the atom in their living room.

“There’s one remote for each and another for the DVD player, then another three mystery remotes they’ve had for more than a decade but won’t chuck away, ‘just in case’.

“They forget which is which, try pressing all of them, then have a meltdown because they can’t watch Loose Women and the stereo is mysteriously playing Magic FM at full volume.

“It drives me up the fucking wall. The worst thing is when I pop round to show them how they work for the billionth time and they get all uppity about me patronising them.

“I love them, but maybe it’s kinder to kill them.”