Guardian sports supplement still number one choice for lighting middle-class barbecues

THE Guardian‘s Weekend Sport supplement has retained its title as the number one choice for lighting middle class barbecues.

According to figures from the Institute for Studies, the perennially-unread pull-out section was ignited 18,051 times during the last 12 weeks, in order that organic lamb cutlets and Waitrose Halloumi and Pepper Skewers might be satisfactorily undercooked.

Guardian reader Stephen Malley said: “I don’t want to burn the main paper, obviously. Or the Guide, from which I have gleaned sufficient knowledge of dubstep to still wear trainers.

“The magazine has an interview with Miranda Hart that Susie wanted to read, the Work and Family bits are usually very important and the Money section has something about fixed-rate ISAs.

“So by a process of elimination, we have a winner. Although if there’s a black athlete on the cover I might remove that first because I’m not a racist.”

During the winter months Malley uses the supplement for wrapping a brie, covering the table so Olivia and Jake can do finger-painting and putting wellies on it after a nice walk along the beach at Southwold.

Guardian Sports correspondent Roy Hobbs said: “We haven’t updated the contents of ‘The Firestarter’ for nine years now.

“As long as we stick a different cricketer on the front now and again, no one actually notices. We could print a nude photo of Megan Fox holding up the meaning of life on page five and no-one would be any the wiser.

“Still, it at least it’s not the motoring section in The Observer.”