I’ll Leave Britain For A Million Pounds, Says Everyone

IF the government wants to spend £1m getting one family to leave Britain then it should start with the people who have lived here the longest, it was claimed last night.

Millions of Britons are desperate to sell ice cream in foreign countries

As a pilot scheme in Kent was found to have repatriated just one family of asylum seekers, people across Britain volunteered to take the money off the government's hands and be gone by sunrise.

Tom Logan, a trainee solicitor from Finsbury Park, said: "If it's just a case of making more room then I'd be delighted to vacate my smelly, noisy little corner of the country.

"A million pounds would be nice, but to be honest I'd do it for a plane ticket, my first month's rent and a serviceable ice cream van."

Wayne Hayes, a salesman from Ashford, said: "If the government is going to bribe people to leave the country then it should be bribing the indigenous population.

"I've been working hard and paying my taxes for 20 years and I am extremely angry that a large portion of it is not being used to get me the hell out of here."

He added: "Coming over here, living in our immigration centres, being soaked by our rain and abused by our racists. Bloody cheek.

"Let them spend four hours on the M25 while the two sides of their brain debate which talent show they're going to watch when they get home."

Margaret Gerving, a retired headmistress from Salisbury, said: "If you want me to dress all foreign and pretend I don't speak English then just say the word."