Society

Middle class men 'still have no idea why they try to impress working class men'

MIDDLE class men still cannot explain their pathetic urge to try to impress working class men they meet.

Young people to have arses kicked all the way to polling stations

SQUADS of arse-kickers are to be deployed to ensure the under-25s bother to vote.

Tories assume steel workers just become male strippers

STEELWORKERS can make a good living if they retrain as male strippers, the Conservative Party has confirmed.  

Man's views ignored by mainstream just because he thinks racism is not as bad as wind turbines

A MAN’S views are being ignored by mainstream politicians just because he is a paranoid racist consumed by burning hatred.

Giving kids stuff makes them like you, uncles confirm

THE nation’s uncles have confirmed that if you turn up every three months or so with a big present, the kids think you are great. 

Colleges offer Level 5 NVQ in changing a duvet cover

COLLEGES keen to equip students with key life skills are introducing a National Vocational Qualification in putting a cover on a duvet.

Pensioner thinks having a job once means he should get everything free

A PENSIONER who worked all his life like most people in the UK somehow believes it entitles him to getting everything for free.

Awful middle class child looking for second treehouse as an investment

A MIDDLE class child is on the lookout for a second treehouse in order to make a killing on the property market.

The teenager's guide to why exams are bullshit

HAVE you done very little revision and are worried you’ll fail your GCSEs? Don’t worry - teenager Tom Booker is on hand to explain why exams are bullshit.

Professional Northerner oddly reluctant to meet other Northerners

A MAN who never shuts up about being a Northerner avoids meeting anyone else from the region, colleagues have noticed.

'The easiest way to deal with things you don't understand is to not believe them'

THE easiest way of dealing with things that you do not understand, like climate change or macroeconomics, is simply not to believe they are real.

Woman unable to find nice top not ruined by one weird detail

A WOMAN shopping for a new top is unable to find one that has not been ruined by an unnecessary details like a fake pockets or odd words.