No return to the 70s, says man who bought house for £20,000 in 1973

A MAN has warned against any return to the decade from which he benefited enormously.

Parents 'lose six years of their lives getting everyone in the f**king car'

PARENTS waste six years of their lives getting their children into the f**king car, research has confirmed.

Six deeply odd things that were normal if you were an 80s kid

MIDDLE-AGED? Do you sometimes notice that life is less weird than when you were growing up? What happened to these things?

Toddler in therapy after suffering from sock lumps

A TODDLER became so distressed about lumps in the socks she was expected to wear that she is in therapy.

Man attempts playdate and f**ks it up

A MAN attempting to host a playdate without being aware of its highly complex social nuances has predictably f**ked it right up.

Anything can be a gun, discovers six-year-old

A MIDDLE-CLASS six-year-old not allowed toy weapons has discovered that anything can be a gun if you point it and make the noises.

Half an iPhone, and five other things women can almost fit in their pockets

ON occasion women’s clothing comes with pockets, and some of them are real. Here’s six things they can store.

Knowing all the Doctor Whos in order will get you 70 points instantly, immigrants told

BRITAIN will only admit migrants who can name all of the actors who played Doctor Who in the correct order, the government has announced.

Caring is a job? P*ss off: Priti Patel's guide to the economically inactive

HELLO. I’m home secretary Priti Patel, and soon I’ll start deporting even the white ones. So are you economically inactive and useless? 

Parents explain younger sibling is just more creative

THE parents of two adult siblings have explained that they have to fund the younger one’s unconventional lifestyle because he is more creative.

Do you just repeat any b*llocks you hear in the pub?

ARE you the sort of sh*thead who unquestioningly trots out anything someone in a pub tells you? Shared any of these?

Woman f**king furious to be given seat on bus

A WOMAN who was given a seat on a London bus is absolutely fuming at the judgmental b*stard who did it.