Absolute arse telling people 'its' should be spelt 'it's'

A POMPOUS idiot is encouraging other people to adopt his horrendous punctuation, it has emerged.

Teenager's accent changes dramatically when parents leave the house

THE neighbours of a well-spoken teenager have noticed his accent dramatically changes when his parents are not around.

Everything you need to be a bellend at university

IT’S traditional to be a bellend during your time at university, so here are the real essentials to take with you.

If the economy's so f**king great, why I am skint? says Britain

BRITONS are struggling to understand why good economic news keeps coming out but their personal finances are still up shit creek.

UK's first openly shit university launched

THE first university that is honest about being a bit shit has opened with a poorly-organised ceremony.

Man who got dog to attract women probably the last person who should own an animal

A MAN who got himself a dog to attract attention from women in the park is the last kind of person who should be looking after an animal, it has been confirmed.

Kids warned not to mention Fortnite or crisps in 'what I did in the summer' essays

PARENTS are forcing their children to not mention telly, computer games or grab bags of sweets in their 'what I did this summer' essays, it has emerged.

Middle-aged drinkers advised to have MDMA days

MIDDLE-AGED drinkers have been urged to have drink-free days where they just use MDMA or magic mushrooms.