How to pretend you haven't seen someone

The last thing anyone wants is a spontaneous chat with someone they know. Here's how to avoid unnecessary interactions with acquaintances.

Five twats you always get stuck with at weddings

THANKS to the government the twat pool at weddings is temporarily a little shallower. However, you'll still find the following people at every single wedding:

What to do if you meet a QAnon fruitloop

HAVE you been cornered by a nutter who believes Donald Trump is the secret saviour of trafficked children who are imprisoned in the basement of pizza shop?

Five things people like to believe which are total shit

ARE your beliefs a pack of nonsense which conveniently fits with your own prejudices? Check if they’re any of the following. 

UK almost feels sympathy for students for first time in history

BRITAIN is almost feeling sorry for the plight of students for the first time since records began, it has emerged.

Why isn't there a Twat History Month, asks twat

A TWAT has challenged the concept of Black History Month by asking why there is not one for twats like himself.

The Tory guide to Geordies

ARE you a Conservative politician baffled by the mysterious Geordie folk? Tory MP Norman Steele explains everything about these fascinating creatures.

Mid-life crisis reduced to purchase of cycling equipment

MEN are increasingly limiting their mid-life madness to buying bikes they do not really want, it has emerged.

Daughters better than sons, mums admit

MOTHERS of daughters have admitted that, despite years of pretending otherwise, having girls is miles better than having boys.

Six tried-and-tested tricks to make your child lose all respect for you

DO you want to lose your child’s respect for you as a parent without tricking, forcing or bribing them? Try these foolproof techniques.

Trapped freshers wish they'd accepted their shit A-level results now

FRESHERS trapped in university accomodation wish they had accepted their initial A-level grades so they could be back home doing resits.

Queen spends first welfare cheque on fags and cans

WITH the Crown Estate due to receive a bailout after a slump in revenue, the Queen has been spotted spending her first welfare cheque on cheap fags and booze.